A Plea of Insanity
by KJ4aNightmare
Summary: The X-Files have been (temporarily) closed with Agent Mulder's absence. A new (OC) agent takes interest to find out why and where he is. Will he return or is he even capable of coming back? AU Contains character death in flashback.
1. Chapter 1

**This was originally written years and years ago even before the X-Files had completed their last new season on TV.**

**Because of this, this story may even be within an alternate timeline as the characters aren't totally consistent with the show at the time. Mulder's parents are both dead, Agent "X" is still alive and Krycek is working with CSM.**

**My special thanks to "gillianandersonwannabe" for taking the time to look this over before posting. **

Agent Erin Jordan flipped through the files that were contained in an old rusted out cabinet. Periodically she pulled one or two out and looked through it, the contents interesting yet astonishing her at the same time. The majority of the files were still open, however many were closed with incredible conclusions. Even the files that were still labeled inconclusive carried events and evidence that was shocking.

Agent Jordan had been voluntarily assigned to go through and clean out the basement office in the FBI Headquarters in Washington. She had only been reassigned to the DC area 3 months before, but this was the first time she was able to enter the basement office. Apparently, its previous occupant was not expected to return.

The door suddenly opened causing her to look up. Special Agent Phillip Newman entered the office silently fuming.

"No go?" Jordan asked quietly. Agent Newman had also been sent to help with the clean up and he was anything but happy about it. There were too many other things he could be doing. Jordan was the opposite. She had been at a desk for the last 3 months and even though she was still learning some of the DC procedures she welcomed the change in routine. Besides, the "X-Files" were very intriguing to her.

The young man stopped just inside the door with a humph. "This is bullshit!" he snapped looking around the office. Without elaborating more he stepped over to the bulletin board in front the desk that Jordan noted earlier had a nameplate of Fox Mulder upon it. "Can you believe this?", the other agent gestured drawing the girl's attention to the board. He grabbed at a poster with a UFO in the sky over a blackened landscape and the message "I Want to Believe" and took his frustration out on it, tearing it off the board.

Jordan watched him silently keeping her comments to herself. She was actually not sure if he was angry about being pulled from his division to assist her in cleaning the "basement" or at the person who had made the basement into an office. As he continued to pull the pictures and notes from the board, not caring whether he tore them or not, Jordan finally asked subdued, "I don't suppose there is any chance that this guy may want some of this stuff back?"

Shaking his head without a pause, Newman answered coldly, "He won't be getting anything where he is at." He grinned knowingly at the girl who only stopped what she was doing and regarded him silently. "Besides, I couldn't give a damn…"

Turning back to the files, she quipped, "Apparently you two didn't get along very well."

Newman fell silent, his arms hanging at his side in disbelief. "Apparently you didn't know him like everyone else in the bureau did."

Jordan took a deep breath. "I suppose you're right, I never had the opportunity to meet him…" She paused feeling inadequately prepared in this man's eyes. "However, I did know Dana Scully from Quantico. I had attended a few of her classes in learning about autopsy procedures."

Newman chuckled. "Now Dana Scully was special…a first class agent." His voice faded as he reminisced over her. Jordan's eyebrows went up shooting him a knowing glance. He cleared his throat, reestablishing his composure. "It's too bad she was reassigned to him", he spat this word showing his contempt for this "Fox Mulder".

Jordan's eyes lowered back to the nameplate, the same name that had investigated the files she found so much interest in.

"She had great promise of being an outstanding field agent or for that matter, anything she wanted to be…" Newman continued.

Curiosity caused the girl to ask, "…and what of this Fox Mulder?"

With a snort Newman answered, "Locked away in a nuthouse, where he belongs."

Jordan hid her surprise not wanting the other agent to notice. "I hadn't heard that part."

"It's something that is not talked about around here…much less anywhere. You won't find anything on it other than in his file. He's already made the bureau look bad with his lack of following proper procedures and his whacked out theories. What we don't need is the public finding out that their own federal government employs crazy people who go off the deep end causing a possible risk to everyone."

Jordan approached the desk across from Newman, her interest enhanced. "I understand that he worked extremely close with Agent Scully for many years. Was her death what drove him over the edge?"

"Possibly. However, if this was the case, he did continue working for a while after her funeral. He snapped totally some months later…"

"What about his family? Didn't they get involved or help him…" Jordan started but was cut off.

"Nope…he has no family. His parents are dead and his sister…well, who knows where the hell she is. He probably killed her for all I know."

Jordan shook off this image and returned to the files. She felt Newman's reluctance at talking about this man so she didn't ask further. "Why don't you go on to lunch and I'll finish down here.", she suggested instead.

Feeling freedom, Newman's attitude brightened. "Are you sure? About finishing down here?"

The girl nodded. "There isn't anything that I can't handle. It's really a one-person job.", she lied. "Besides, once I'm done and have this place in order, I'll let you know and we can deal with the furniture moving then."

"Okay", Newman agreed wholeheartedly; anything to get out of the area.


	2. Chapter 2

Over the next 3 days, Agent Jordan found herself totally taken in with the office. Unlike Newman, who had trashed everything he touched, she made a conscious effort to keep everything intact as she went through it.

Periodically she read some of the newspaper clippings that had been collected throughout the years. The majority of it covered some kind of UFO or even alien sightings. Other publications covered subjects such as ghosts, monsters, the occult and anything supernatural. It didn't take a genius to realize this guy was totally taken with the paranormal.

The phone numbers listed on small notepads went into a separate folder. She considered checking them out at a later time. She placed all this "Fox Mulder's" personal paperwork and notes into a plastic bin with a cover; perhaps he might want it back sometime.

Each night she took a few files home with her. They were an invaluable source of information, at least to her. How he and Agent Scully conducted investigations was at most times, generally different than what was taught at the academy. But she had to admit, if it gave them answers, then why not bend the rules?

But as days progressed towards the weekend, she realized that not only this "Fox Mulder" bent the rules, he broke them, trampled them or contorted them any way he saw fit. No wonder the other agents despised his methods. Not only was he able to do what he wanted but he normally walked away without any type of reprimand whatsoever.

The more Erin Jordan read the more she wanted to meet this guy.

* * *

Saturday evening came with a knock at her door. Dressed in slacks and a silk blouse, the young agent answered it with enthusiasm. "Hello Mark, it's been awhile..." she greeted the young blond at the door. Stepping back to let him in, she then rushed from the room.

"Excuse me, I just have to get my shoes and stockings on and I'll be ready", her voice called to him from the hallway.

Shutting the door behind him, Mark stepped in. Noticing her pantsuit lying neatly across the chair, he followed the retreating girl. "You didn't work again today did you?"

Groaning, Erin could only pull her stockings on as she defended her actions. "You know I'm working on cleaning that basement office…"

"No one said you had to work on the weekends."

True, but then no one would be interrupting her while she looked through the X-Files. "I know", was all she said.

Mark's eyes followed her every movement. "Actually, they almost had me working this weekend."

Erin straightened up, her second shoe in her hand. "Doing what?"

"Oh, just an autopsy on a guy…" he murmured absently.

"Agent Krayse, when are you going to take your job seriously?" Her earnest tone surprised even her. This topic was old, as old as their first date. He never took anything seriously, not even when he worked on a body to find the cause of death. It was almost a passing fad for him and it bothered Jordan at times. Death was nothing to be taken lightly. Speaking of death… "Do you remember a Dana Scully who taught at Quantico off and on?"

"Of course I do", he grinned. "She was the one that Steve Lowry was infatuated with."

"Yes, that's the one…" Jordan grinned remembering the lovesick puppy of a student. She straightened up, now dressed and motioned to the door. "After you…"

Krayse stepped ahead of the girl down the hallway. "Why do you ask?"

"I was really wondering if you knew her partner…"

The young man opened the door for her. "Are you talking about 'Spooky' Mulder?" He raised his hands at her imitating a ghost. "Oooooooooooooh. Sure, everyone knows about him."

Jordan eyed him, the need to defend this person rising within her without her even knowing why. "Yes, that's him."

Reaching his car, Krayse opened her door and let her in first. Shutting it, he then jogged to the other side and flopped himself unceremoniously in. It wasn't until he was pulling away from the curb that he asked, "What's with all these questions?"

"It's his office I'm clearing out and I was curious. I knew of him vaguely by reputation, but those files he was working on are really something."

"Something as in…weird?"

"Depends on who's looking at them. I've been reading through his conclusions and theories and although they are way out, they fit the facts almost to a tee."

Krayse cringed. "Does this mean you are suddenly an alien lover?" His words caught her by surprise.

"Excuse me?", she asked dumbfounded.

"What I'm saying is that the guy was crazy…you know, nuts? Spouted all this crap about aliens that were going to take over the world."

"He did not", she stated indignantly. "At least not in those words."

Shaking his head he added, "Okay, so maybe he used bigger words…such as conspiracy", he jeered.

"Okay, okay, forget I brought it up", cried the exasperated girl tired of her friends insensitive remarks.

* * *

The following week, Agent Jordan worked back in her office catching up on the paperwork that had accumulated from the previous week. The cleaning of the basement office had been put on hold for the time being although she had the majority of it packed up.

She had talked with a few of the other agents trying to get an insight as to the workings of a "Fox Mulder". Unfortunately they're views were the same as Newman's and Krayse'. Very few had any respect for him and his "conspiracy" theories. However, there were some things no one could deny. He had one of the highest success rates in solving his cases. He also had an uncanny ability to profile serial killers while working in the VCS. And with Agent Dana Scully alongside of him, their fieldwork on the X-Files had yet to be matched by any other field agents.

The few people that would even talk to her about Agent Mulder, assumed that it was Scully who had become his demise causing him to go an extended vacation. Although on a separate assignment, Agents Mulder and Scully had joined in with the VCS when a serial killer had been cornered in a building with hostages. Unfortunately, even with the FBI taking every precaution they could, the situation had not ended with no victims. It had been the type of situation feared the most by law enforcement officials, as the criminal didn't have any remorse as to whether he lived or died. It had turned out to be a blood bath, as the killer was determined to take anyone and everyone he could with him. Nine people died before he was taken down that day. One of them had been Agent Scully who died in Mulder's arms as he desperately cried for medical help.

Although Agent Jordan kept her questions to a minimum, there was someone that they had gained the attention of. Approaching her computer with a stack of forms in her arms she noticed a small yellow sheet stuck to the screen. "Report to Assistant DA Skinner's office immediately."

She swallowed nervously. She had only been to his office once prior to this and it was when she first arrived and received the 5-cent tour. Now, the note spoke volumes to her and she figured it was anything but good.

She immediately placed the paperwork down and making sure she had her pen and a small tablet for notes she made her way back out the door and to the elevator. She punched the button, nervously rocking while she waited for it.

A young light-haired secretary pleasantly greeted the nerve wracked agent as she entered the office.

"Assistant Director Skinner requested to see me."

"He told me to expect you; you can go right on in."

Jordan realized as she entered the office that her whole body was trembling. Her mind searching for any mistakes she may have made in the last few days. Normally, getting in front of people was not a bother to her but this wasn't just some people. This was the Assistant Director, who was quite a lot higher up than anyone she had ever dealt with. Besides if he had anything to say to her, wouldn't he be going through her division chief?

She approached the front of his desk as he continued his writing on some documents in front of him. "You can have a seat", he stated simply without looking up.

Jordan glanced behind her at the two chairs and sat in the one off to her left; the one closer to the door, so that she might bolt through it if she was in danger. She grinned lightly at herself; her paranoia was running away with her.

Sitting up straight, with her hands in her lap and thumbs running laps around each other, she was the picture of pure discomfort with her situation when the Assistant Director finally looked up at her.

"Agent Erin Jordan isn't it?" his tone was serious.

"Yes sir."

"…and you have only been assigned here for three months now?"

"Yes sir."

"Am I to understand that you are running around here asking questions about previously assigned agents?"

Uh oh. "Sir?"

"One in particular?"

"I didn't realize curiosity was a crime," Jordan found herself stating, immediately wishing she had kept her mouth shut.

"Curiosity in what, might I ask?" His tone was not asking but rather demanding.

"Special Agent Fox Mulder".

"Is that what you were assigned here to do?" His voice reminded her of a bear growing more dangerous by the minute.

"No sir, but…"

"What is it, you are supposed to be doing?" he interrupted.

Surely he wasn't referring to the cleaning of the basement. "Completing the reports and turning them in."

"Nowhere in that job description does it state that you are to be questioning other agents about personal matters such as Fox Mulder."

Jordan held her silence. This was unbelievable.

"Is that understood?"

Agent Jordan didn't answer. Her mind was running in overtime. Why was she being counseled by the assistant director? And about something menial as asking questions about a fellow agent, or ex-agent.

"Sir?"

"Do you understand me?" his voice now bordering on anger.

"Yes sir, but…"

"Then you are dismissed."

Jordan stood up intending upon leaving but after a step she stopped and again faced her superior. "Sir, request permission to speak."

He looked up at her, surprised she hadn't run out of the room at the first chance. He could almost feel her nervousness when she first entered, and she had sat in the seat closest to the door to ensure escape. He had experienced it many times from the new and younger agents, but now here she remained, unmoving, attempting to stand up to him. Almost amused by her audacity, he stood up and crossed his arms. "Whatever you have to say, say it and get it over with."

"Sir, I really don't understand what I have done wrong? I assumed that personal interest in previously assigned agents outstanding in their work would be a good sign, as it may be someone they may want to emulate."

Skinner snorted. "And you're saying that this is why you are asking questions regarding Agent Mulder." Disbelief plagued his voice as he was growing annoyed with this upstart.

"I do not know enough about Agent Mulder to accurately answer that…"

Shaking his head in frustration, Skinner contemplated having her disciplined for her insolence.

The girl continued even though the fear of retribution grew within her. "…but I would like to meet him even if it meant having to go to the mental institution to…"

"Who told you that!", Skinner interrupted her angrily, his hands slamming down on the desk.

Jordan recoiled in surprise more than fear. "Told me what?" she asked.

"About the institution…" he said between clenched teeth, his patience completely gone.

Jordan paused, which was the wrong thing to do, as the assistant director advanced upon her. "Sir…no one sir…" she finally gasped. "I found it in…in his records."

"So you've been searching through classified documents also?" He stood a good foot overlooking the younger agent who tried to maintain her composure and meet his eyes.

"I didn't realize fellow agents records were off limits."

"It seems you don't realize a lot of things, Agent Jordan. Such as why you remain with this bureau even after our discussion here." He stared at her almost as a challenge.

Although, Jordan wanted to stand up to him, she felt the need to keep her job stronger and backed down. "Understood sir…" she murmured. "May I go now?"

"Yes, you can go." He leaned back on his heels and watched the young agent leave. When the door shut behind her, he sighed and retreated to his seat.

"She could be a problem" a voice came across the room.

"She's young", Skinner retorted. With his hands clasped on his desk he didn't bother to look up at an older man stepping out of the corner shadows.

"She'll keep asking…"

"No she won't."

Coming up to the Assistant DA's desk, the man lit his cigarette and easily sat back in the chair the girl had vacated only minutes before. "So who would have told her?"

"You didn't really expect this to remain quiet forever."

"No, of course not. But rumors may be started…" he paused allowing the Assistant Director to finish the thought on his own. Skinner understood entirely.

The last thing he needed was for the public to find out about the DC FBI's "problem child".

"Maybe if we had him moved or something…"

"We have been through this before…"

The old man's unconcern struck a nerve with the Assistant DA who jumped to his feet. "Damn it, I can't just forget about him like he never existed. He is still a part of this bureau, no matter what his mentality is!"

The man didn't move a muscle but his voice took on a dangerous tone. "Then maybe he needs to be taken out of the bureau."

Skinner paled slightly and sat back. "There has to be another way."

The older man stood up, allowing his ashes from his cigarette to fall onto the floor. "Then it needs to be found…soon."


	3. Chapter 3

The afternoon flew by as Jordan immersed herself into her work. She didn't realize that the day had ended until someone stood in front of her desk quietly waiting for her to acknowledge him.

She finally looked up. "I'm sorry, Agent Newman, I didn't notice you standing there."

"Quite all right", he answered. "Look, I'm sorry about last week…"

Jordan wracked her mind in remembering why he would be.

Noticing her puzzlement, he continued, "… my attitude about cleaning that office."

Jordan nodded slightly. "It's okay…"

"No it's not. I want to make it up to you."

"Okay, how?"

"How about, going out with me for a…uh…drink."

Agent Jordan contemplated turning him down and probably would have had it been any other day. But with her mind spinning from the conversation with the AD she nodded. "Okay. After today I think I need one."

Relief was apparent on Newman's face. "I'll pick you up. Say uh…"  
"7:00?"

"Sounds good, I'll pick you up from you're apartment at 7:00." He quickly walked off, bounce added to his step.

Jordan considered his actions. He desperately wanted to talk to her for some reason. She doubted he had asked her out just as a friend, because he had hardly ever noticed her before. Although they did see each other almost daily, few words were ever exchanged. No, it had to be about the cleanup downstairs.

Besides, she needed to talk with him also.

Both agents had been sitting in the booth for the last 10 minutes in silence. Newman was on his 2nd beer already while Jordan worked on finishing her 1st screwdriver.

Trying to break the ice, he finally commented. "We finally nailed our guy today. He was hiding out at his relatives in the basement."

"Congratulations. Is this why we're here? Celebrating?", Jordan tried to sound truly interested.

"Kind of…"

"Something's bothering you, why not tell me what it is."

Nodding slightly Agent Newman admitted his fear. "You were called into the AD's office today…and from you're actions afterward it must not have been good."

"Very perceptive, Agent Newman.", she said softly not elaborating further like he had hoped.

Unsettled, he finally asked. "What was it about? If you don't mind me asking?"

"Nothing much." She realized her answer was not making him relax in the least.

"Just about my interest in Agent Fox Mulder."

"So?"

"Apparently there is a policy I haven't come across yet that doesn't allow federal agents to inquire about other agents."

"What?"

Seeing the young man start to squirm, Jordan put the finishing touches on her answer. "He also wanted to know where I learned that Agent Mulder was laid up in a mental hospital."

Newman swallowed visibly.

Erin Jordan waited for the whole effect. She suddenly knew where she might get her answers without falling into trouble.

"What did you tell him?" He felt his life coming to an end, all because he said something in anger that he shouldn't have.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Nope, nada. I told him I got it out of his file."

Feeling slightly better but still anxious the agent questioned, "Why?"

"I may be a lot of things, but I'm not a squealer. Besides, I first thought that you were the one that told him I had been asking."

"Me, no. I'm not into blabbing to just anyone." He smiled showing his sincerity.

"So, how about telling me more about Fox Mulder?" She grinned back, a devilish look in her eyes.

"This is blackmail."

"I took the hit, not you. At least you can tell me some more about this guy."

* * *

Three hours and many uncountable drinks later, Agent Newman looked at his watch. "Almost 11:00", he groaned. "I've got to be in the office early tomorrow to finalize my report." He glanced around the barroom, which was occupied with only the bartender and a drunken old man sitting in the corner.

"So you're going to be able to get me the name of that institution tomorrow?" Her words were more of a statement than a question.

"I can't promise anything. Besides, with the AD knowing you are asking questions about his agent, everything is probably going to get a little tighter. If you know what I mean."

Jordan nodded. "Thanks for the info."

Both got to their feet, a little shaky at first but stabilizing quickly to walk to the door . "I still don't understand why?" Newman remarked shaking his head.

"Why I'm so interested in this Fox Mulder?"

"Yeah."

"I read many of his files he worked on with Agent Scully. Those cases are remarkable…"

"Ooh. So you believe in that kind of stuff." his voice was rich in sarcasm.

Climbing into his car, Jordan snorted. "I don't know if I believe in a lot of that stuff. I do find it hard to believe in something that I can not see. But a lot of those cases just can not be explained and his theories seem to make sense even in the most extreme cases."

Phillip Newman could only shake his head. "Better watch what you say, everyone's going to think you're as crazy as him."

He dropped her off at her apartment a little after 11:30. Although he claimed to be fine she made him promise to call her when he got home to be on the safe side.

Feeling good with the information she was able to coerce out of Newman, she was totally unprepared for what she faced within her apartment. Upon opening her door, she dropped her paperwork and immediately drew her gun. After a quick glance around and keeping her weapon ready, she reached to her right and hit the light switch. The room was flooded with light.

The apartment was in turmoil. Books and papers were scattered from one end of the room to the other. Furniture had been overturned. Floppy disks littered the floor and the area around her computer.

Jordan continued through the apartment. Each room matched the first with its furniture turned over and all her paperwork emptied onto the floor. Her mattress from the bed lay upturned against the wall along with her clothes thrown on it and the floor.

Checking the last room, she finally lowered her gun and sighed with frustration. How could this be happening?

A muffled noise behind caused her to jump and bring her gun around before she realized it was the phone that was ringing. Cursing under her breath she went to find it under her clothes and was mildly surprised to see it in one piece. She paused before answering it as her guard went up.

Someone had been in her apartment looking for something. Was there a chance they might have left something behind?

She picked up the phone and cautiously answered, "Hello."

"Just calling to let you know I made it home okay. Are you happy now?" came a familiar drawl on the other end.

Not intending on any type of bug to pick up her conversation she replied quickly. "Okay, thanks. See you in the morning. Bye." She quickly hung up probably confusing the party on the other end. Then again, after sleeping off his beer, she doubted he'd remember much of anything in the morning.

She glanced around her bedroom, the feeling of violation setting in. She had the urge to get out and away from there. The person who broke in once may come back to finish the job.

Without a sound, she sifted through her clothes from the closet and found a pantsuit with virtually no wrinkles. She also went through the bathroom for her toiletries, not understanding why someone had to even go through her medicine cabinet. Maybe there was more to this then simply looking for something.

With all her needed personal items in hand she went to her Explorer and left for a hotel for the rest of the night.


	4. Chapter 4

Morning came and Erin Jordan showed up at the Hoover Building with the lack of sleep showing in her actions. She had tossed and turned all night at the hotel, her mind turning over possible causes for her apartment.

She told no one anything, preferring to keep this to herself, at least for the time being. She had considered telling Agent Newman, but after the ideas that had crept into her mind during the night, she decided not too. Maybe he had really intended on getting her out of the building so someone could ransack it.

Throughout the day, she still hoped that he would get her the information she had requested. But as 5:00 drew near and she hadn't seen him all day, her optimism wavered and suspicions grew.

As she got ready to go, she reached into her drawer to pull out a personal camera she kept for special occasions and a dusting kit. She paused as she noted an envelope sitting on the top of the drawer's contents.

Not remembering it being there from that morning she pulled it out and turned it over. On the front was E.J. and nothing else. She glanced around to see if she was in fact alone, then opened it. In it was a small yellow note with Amiston Fields written on it. She turned the note over and found nothing else to explain it.

Having an idea as to what it might be, she pulled her phone book out and went into the white pages. Amiston Fields was easily found and she wrote the number down. Still uncertain as to anyone watching her, she left the building and drove a mile away from it before looking for a pay phone.

Finding one at a gas station, she immediately called the number.

"Hello, Amiston Fields, how may I help you", a young feminine voice answered.

"Yes, is this a hospital for the mentally ill?"

"Yes, it is."

"I would like to visit a patient there and need some directions as to how to reach you."

"Of course."

* * *

CSM sat in his apartment, lounging back in his chair. The TV played but was more background noise then anything. He was replacing his finished cigarette when the phone rang.

"Yes."

"I did what you said…" a male voice said mistrust thick in his voice.

"…and?"

"There was nothing there that you mentioned."

"No files?" This was surprising.

"No files, no phone numbers, nothing that came from his office."

"Then she must have it with her."

Silence on the other end. "Well?"

"Did you check Agent Mulder's apartment as well."

"I just finished double checking it. There's nothing there either."

CSM clenched his teeth. The basement office was the only other place he could think of. Even though everything had been packed up, nothing should have been moved out. Apparently he would need to spend some time down there.

"Now what?"

"I'll be in touch…" He hung the phone up and took a long drag on his cigarette.

* * *

Throughout the following morning, Erin Jordan went through her apartment. She took pictures of everything then dusted for prints. All was to no avail. Whoever was in there had gloves on the entire time and left none.

However, as the place was getting back in order she also looked for evidence of a bug and found one, not surprisingly, in her phone. Frustration and fear had set in. Someone was intending on keeping tabs on her but for what reason. It all seemed to point at this Fox Mulder.

By noon, her apartment was back in order. However before leaving, she questioned her neighbors if they had saw or heard anything. The ones that had been home hadn't heard a thing. She would have to get with the others later. She also went by her landlord to let him know what happened and to see about getting locks changed and added. She knew it would be a while before she slept soundly again.

Jordan then went to her explorer with the directions to the hospital.

* * *

It had taken over 40 minutes to drive to reach Amiston Fields. Most of it was going down small back roads. At least, like this, it would be easy for her to see anybody following her. But she was alone today, not seeing any car in the last 15 miles.

Amiston Fields was set up back from the road. A tall metal black fence surrounded the entire estate except for the stone archway over the gate. There had also been a roll of concertina wire over the fence to discourage escapees. She sighed, that just killed the country club look.

Driving up under the archway, she punched the call button on the panel attached to the archway. "May I help you?" came a familiar voice.

"Yes, I talked with you yesterday about visiting."

"Yes, come on in. Front door, down the hallway to your left."

The gate opened for her and she drove up the hill to the building. After parking her vehicle she took in the building. It was as huge as a mansion with pillars in the front. Someone was interested in taking special care of their federal agent.

Approaching the front desk she announced to the nurse who smiled at her. "My name's Erin Jordan and I'm here to see a Fox Mulder."

The nurse pulled a clipboard with a pen attached by a chain. "I need you to fill this out and return it to me when you're done."

"Of course." Jordan took a seat. The place looked like a hospital from within. The staff was dressed in their white suits and smocks, definitely medical looking. A patient sat in a wheelchair further down the hallway. His hands hanging uselessly at his sides. He stared off into space acknowledging no one even when they said anything to him.

Stopping halfway through the form, Jordan was suddenly having doubts as to why she was there. She looked up at the bustle of the staff in total oblivion of her disconcert. She shouldn't be charged for anything for this. But then the bureau was making a mountain out of a molehill because she was interested in this guy. She didn't ask any more questions at the bureau so she did do what AD Skinner had directed. But she couldn't shake the uneasy feeling.

She finished the form but continued sitting. She watched the staff halfheartedly completing their rounds. Someone had come and got the man in the wheelchair as the hallway was now devoid of him.

Taking a deep breath she reapproached the desk and held out the forms. The nurse took it and read quickly through it. "You did read this legal statement before signing…," she said as if it was asked of every visitor.

"Yes, I did."

Reaching the 3rd page, the woman looked up. "You're not related to the patient." "No, I'm not. I work at the bureau where he was…is assigned." She pulled her badge and showed the lady.

"So, you're checking on his progress?" the nurse questioned.

Nodding, Jordan answered. "Yes…"

The woman started scribbling in the remarks block on the last page. "Doesn't he receive any other visitors?" the agent asked.

"I really couldn't tell you without looking through the log."

"Log?"

"Yes, here, sign in on this form. Name, date, time, relationship to patient…." she paused waiting for Jordan to finish writing 'co-worker' on the paper. "…And patient's name."

Upon handing the board back, she was given a clipped pass to wear. "Nurse Hanson", the secretary called to a young woman passing behind Erin.

"Yes?" The blonde nurse couldn't be more than Jordan's age and maybe a bit younger. She stepped up beside the agent.

"Since you're not family, I'm sending Miss Hanson to escort you to his room." Then to the worker she added, "This is Miss Erin Jordan who is here to see Fox Mulder, room 204."

Nodding her head, the kid-like employee turned down the hallway. "Come this way please.", she nodded to Jordan.

With a quick 'thank you' to the secretary, the agent followed the nurse.

Reaching room 204, Jordan had to ask again. "Does anyone else ever visit Mr. Mulder? He has no family that anyone knows of."

The young woman glanced down the hall as if to see if anyone was listening. "Not really. Although I do remember a gentleman coming by a couple of times."

"Do you remember who?"

Deep in thought Nurse Hanson remembered, "I brought him to Fox's room both times…he was older. Fairly bald on the top, and wore glasses. And, he always was in a nice suit like he just got off of work. He hasn't been here in almost a month."

One thought came to Jordan. Assistant Director Skinner…he had been visiting his agent. It was a surprising, but nonetheless understandable if Agent Mulder had been working for him most of his duration in active status.

**NOTE: Yes, I realize this story started off extremely slow but starting next chapter Agent Mulder will be in the picture which should help it along. Either way, if you have any thoughts or comments (especially constructive) I'd love to hear them. :) **


	5. Chapter 5

Agent Jordan entered the room which was clad only in a bed, a dresser, a small table and 2 chairs, obviously for the visitors. The only occupant lay in his bed staring up at the ceiling.

"He's like that most of the time." Nurse Hanson stated following the agent into the room.

"What about the rest of the time."

"We find him periodically wrapped up in a fetal position either in bed or in a corner. Sometimes he gets violent."

Approaching the bed, Jordan found violent behavior hard to believe in this young man. His soft hazel eyes stared into a void, not focused on anything. His body lay relaxed, oblivious to the world around him. "Is there any time in which he is coherent enough to talk or respond in any way?"

Shaking her head the nurse answered, "No. Except when he becomes violent. But that is more just screaming than anything."

Jordan brushed her hand across his forehead. "He's warm", she said softly.

"He's been fighting fevers off and on. The medicine may be starting to wear off."

Nodding slightly, Jordan pulled a chair up from behind and sat by the comatose patient as the nurse left the room.

"Well Fox Mulder, we finally meet." she murmured with a sly grin. She ran her hand through his hair relishing the feel of it. She had to admit he was handsome, with his boyish face and innocent eyes.

Something drew her to his staring eyes. The vulnerability in them, the innocence…the fear?" Eyes were a window into the mind, she thought and if this was true, Fox Mulder had plenty of skeletons in the closet.

Not really knowing where to start she took a deep breath. "Here's hoping that you can hear me, because if you can't I'll be making a fool out of myself."

* * *

Fox Mulder sat in the only lit spot in the darkness that surrounded him. His arms were wrapped tightly around his legs that were brought up to his chest. He rocked slightly, his eyes staring off into the blackness.

Every time the blackness came, fear settled over his heart. He wished for the light to return, to not have to live in the darkness; to be able to relax and have the light wash over him and keep him warm and safe.

However, his episodes with the light were few and far between. The darkness came more often and weighed him down; threatening to pull his mind from his body - to leave him with nothing.

The feeling of helplessness overcame every other sense within him. He rocked harder, moaning with the fear. His eyes were now closed, his body tense with apprehension as he tried to shut out the darkness and the feelings it brought.

As he continued to moan, another sound penetrated the gloom. He paused listening. The noise was like the soft rumbling of distant thunder, its droning penetrating the darkness. Although it was incomprehensible, it was company. Its soft noise slightly soothing - almost reassuring him that he was not alone.

Mulder stopped rocking and although his eyes were still closed, he listened intently. The sound was not the same as the light, but it was welcome.

* * *

Agent Jordan checked her watch. It was after 5:00. She had been sitting beside the comatose agent for nearly 3 and a half hours. Her throat was tired from her nonstop chatting. She had carried both sides of the conversation giving the agent something to listen to, if he was even capable of hearing her.

She put her hand to his forehead. It was noticeably cooler than when she had first arrived. Upon confirming that his fever had returned Nurse Hanson had given him some medication to help. Apparently it did.

"Well, Agent Mulder, it has been a pleasure." She stood up then paused. "And if you happen to wonder why I'm willing to spend all this time just talking to you…I want you to know that…I had an older sister who was in a car accident." She took a deep breath to keep from getting emotional. "She ended up in a coma at the hospital. The doctors said that she could probably hear us and that talking to her was the best thing. They had high hopes that she would come out of it." She straightened his hair, pushing it back out of his face. Even though the hospital staff kept him shaved and washed they didn't bother with trimming his hair. And now they were long enough to hang in his eyes. His eyes, she looked into his dark hazel ones. She could have sworn that there had been a change in them. The fear was gone.

She straightened up considering this but couldn't really account for it. Nothing else had changed about him. He still stared straight ahead at the ceiling and hadn't even moved a muscle the whole time she was there. She took his hand, giving it a light squeeze. "I'll be back", she said softly.

"So what happened?", a voice broke her concentration. Jordan looked up at Nurse Hanson standing in the doorway. "I'm sorry for interrupting. I'll be getting off in less than an hour and was making my last rounds to each of the patients."

Nodding slightly, Jordan left Mulder's side for the door. Upon reaching the nurse, the young woman asked again. "So what happened? With your sister?" she smiled figuring the inevitable.

With a sigh, Jordan answered stiffly, "She died." She went past the nurse without another word.

* * *

Fox Mulder waited expectantly. The soothing sound had stopped. Then again, it had stopped many times in the past before continuing on. But as the seconds turned to minutes, he realized it was gone and was not coming back. He felt the darkness closing in on him again, but he concentrated on the tone that had kept him company for a period of time. He reproduced it within his head and relished it yet again. He smiled slightly relaxing, although he still held his legs to him. The sound, even from within, held his fear at bay.

* * *

The following week went quick as Jordan spent all her free time at the hospital. She became known to most of the staff and was liked for her efforts to help the young man who would probably never recover.

The only person who even seemed to take some kind of notice of her changed schedule was Agent Mark Krayse. He had grown extremely concerned about her when he found out that her apartment had been broken into and tapped. He had made it a point to call her every day to make sure everything was fine. She had assured him she was okay as her landlord had replaced her whole door and put 2 sturdy deadbolts plus 2 regular locks on it.

Surprisingly nothing else had been said or brought up at the bureau about her. She had continued her job as if nothing had changed but would rush out to the hospital right after work to spend a couple of hours to visit. Because of this she spent a lot of her nights in the old hotel, wondering if she would ever feel safe again at home.

* * *

The following Tuesday went like any other day the previous week and Jordan completed her assignments and left for Amiston Fields.

She came in the hospital with a smile for the nurses who didn't seem their normal cheerful selves. Puzzled, she picked up the log to sign in and stopped. Two signatures up the page a familiar name drew her attention. She looked soundless at the secretary. "He's in there now and is waiting on you." the woman answered her unspoken question.

"He knows I'm here?"

"Not yet. He saw you're name on the log from yesterday and asked about you. Of course we told him that you visited everyday and that we expected you at any time. He was kind enough to wait."

Knowing it couldn't be put off; Jordan signed in and headed down the hallway to room 204. She took a deep breath and entered the room.

Assistant Director Skinner was standing on the opposite side of Fox Mulder, arms folded across his chest. As she approached the bed, her eyes dropped to the comatose form. Something was different with him. It took her a minute to realize that the patient was in restraints.

"Sir?"

"Agent Jordan, just how long have you been coming here?"

"About a week and a half…"

They got no further as Fox Mulder's body started shaking. Without a moment's pause, Skinner rushed from the room calling for a nurse.

Jordan stepped forward to the patient, talking to him, trying to soothe him with her voice. She took hold of the closest hand and ran her other down the side of his face. "Fox Mulder. Fox, please hear me. Calm down, you'll be fine. Yes you will, everything will be fine…" she crooned to him.


	6. Chapter 6

Fox Mulder badly wanted to feel nothing. The darkness was draining him. Even wrapped up in a ball, he felt exhaustion. His moans grew more desperate. The darkness threatened to cover him entirely to put out his feeble light.

The only thing that eased the hopelessness of the blackness was that noise. That whispering from the outside which kept him company. Even though it always ended, it would always come back, maybe not right away, but soon.

In fact, each time it ascended upon him, to drive away the bleakness, it changed. When it first was just a soft mumbling, breaks for syllables soon became apparent. A language was being formed although one he still could not comprehend.

A language meant intelligence of some sort. The noise from outside proved this. Was he actually worth the time spent by something attempting to communicate with him - to take away his fear – to shed some relief upon his torment.

Each time the sound stopped, he fell deeper into his despair. He now desperately wanted it to continue - to continue to drive away the blackness covering him, to continue to remind him he was not alone. Was this too much to ask for?

Within he had cried, begged, pleaded, and even offered himself in any shape or form for it to only continue. But it had stopped, yet again. His comfort yanked from him like a pulled rug.

He had dwelled upon the remnants he maintained after it had stopped, but even this could help only so much. His spirit dwindling as he folded under the blackness that could not be held at bay any longer. His wordless screams of anguish echoed within him.

Perhaps this time all feelings would stop and his mind's torture would end.

Then the sounds came back to him…

* * *

Skinner returned only moments later with 2 nurses and a doctor trailing. They stopped at the end of the bed, their eyes upon the girl consoling the patient.

Erin Jordan was unaware of her audience as her whole attention was on Mulder. His shaking was easing as he now lay trembling under her touch. His breathing, which had been coming in ragged gasps, had also slowed almost to normal. She continued to comfort the young man, as he appeared to respond to her soothing.

When his trembling refused to quit entirely, the doctor motioned the nurse forward. She approached the side opposite of Jordan and proceeded to make sure there were no bubbles in the syringe. Erin had scarcely looked up when the needle was inserted into his arm. Her eyes reflected her disappointment at the addition of the medicine.

As if to answer her thoughts, the doctor remarked, "It's just a sedative to relax him and help him sleep.

"If this isn't sleep, then what's he been doing all this time?" Jordan demanded.

Before she could get an answer, AD Skinner motioned for the staff to leave the room. He then followed them to the door and shut it behind them.

Frustrated, Jordan turned back to Fox Mulder, whose eyes were now closed. He appeared to be resting comfortably. "Is that everyone's answer to everything?" she stated with frustration.

The assistant director returned to stand at the end of the bed. His earlier irritation was gone and he felt as spent as the young woman beside him.

When he said nothing she turned to him and questioned, "Sir, why are you here?"

"I was called last night about him. He had gone into convulsions yesterday evening. It was a lot like this, only worse. That's why he's been restrained, to keep him from hurting himself." He waited, but Jordan didn't say anything else. "So let me ask you, Agent Jordan, why have you been coming here for the last week?"

"I guess I was hoping to make a difference for him…" Maybe not everyone had to end up like her sister.

The AD nodded slightly. "I believe you have."

"Huh?"

"According to the staff here, Agent Mulder has not even come close to responding to anyone following his admission here and yet, he just responded to you."

"So, you think there's a chance he may come out of it?"

Walter Skinner rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "All we can do is hope and pray."

* * *

The following morning, Agent Jordan went straight to her Division Chief's office. "Chief Peterson", she stated stepping in front of his desk. Although she took little notice of his office, it was decidedly smaller than AD Skinner's. It was set up basically the same and she wondered absently if there was a regulation as to the setup of one's personal office.

"What can I do for you Agent Jordan." He looked up from his memos and saw that she was smiling.

"Sir, request a leave of absence for the rest of the week." She stated handing her form over to him.

He looked it over then returned his attention to the woman standing in front of the desk. "This is a last minute request…"

"Understood sir, but I'm caught up on my reports and everything else I've been given."

He waited in silence, apparently not satisfied with the answer.

"Sir, I've been visiting…a friend…" she paused not wanting to lie to her boss. "Who's in the hospital…?"

Chief Peterson sighed. "I suppose you wanted to start today?"

She nodded.

"I'll tell you what. Agent Layman has a tape needing to be transcribed. I originally gave it to her to complete this morning. Since she has other things to do, you can transcribe the tape. Turn it in to me when it's done and we'll see about the time off."

"Yes sir, thank you sir."

* * *

It was after 2:00 when Jordan finished the transcript. Working through lunch without a break, she didn't realize how stiff she had gotten in front of the computer until she had stood up. She stretched, working the kinks out, then took the printed transcripts to her boss. After briefly looking the paperwork over, he dismissed her, but warned her to keep her cell phone on.

By the time Amiston Fields came into sight, her stomach was growling for it's lunch. She drove by it to the small town 10 minutes further down the road for an early dinner.

After her hunger was appeased she went to her normal hotel and booked the next 4 nights. She took a quick shower and changed into a t-shirt and jeans. Then, feeling more refreshed she drove to the hospital.

Nurse Hanson was finishing up changing Fox Mulder's bed sheets when Jordan entered the room. She smiled at the Federal Agent. "He was quiet last night and today…"

The restraints had been removed, Jordan quickly noted.

Noticing where her attention was the nurse continued, "We don't normally use them except in circumstances in which the patient may hurt himself."

"But isn't that what all those drugs are for?" The sarcasm was evident in her voice.

"Drugs?"

The long day had put Erin Jordan's nerves on edge. She was tired and had no reason to snap at the nurse, who was only doing her job. "Nothing…" she sighed shaking her head.

The blond nurse approached her. "Are you sure you're okay?" She put her hand on the agent's shoulder as if to reassure her.

"I'm fine. Just a little headache. Probably from sitting in front of the computer for almost 6 hours straight."

"That'll make you go crazy if nothing else will."

Jordan smirked. "Yeah, I suppose it could…"

Gathering up the dirty sheets from off one of the chairs at the table, Hanson grinned at her. "You need to quit that job before you end up here…with him. Call me if you need anything." She left the room leaving Jordan in silence with the patient still staring listlessly at the ceiling.

Noticing this, Erin stepped around the bed, running her hand lightly over the sheets. "What is it that is so interesting about the ceiling that just keeps your attention riveted there so long? I'd really like to know because there is NOTHING worth looking at in here…except for you." She grinned to herself; this was just going to be another one of those days.

* * *

As the familiar sound broke through Fox Mulder's darkness, he lifted his head up to it. It sounded like gibberish, but he felt he should know it. He reached his hand out as if to bring it closer, but withdrew it when the darkness enshrouded it.

He considered using his mind and body to reach for it but the ever-threatening darkness, with its fear, stayed close to him. He tightened his arms around his knees and closed his eyes allowing the noise to envelop his body with its net and keep him safe.


	7. Chapter 7

It was Friday after lunch that Erin Jordan was having serious doubts in what she had been attempting to do. Other than that previous Monday, there had been no sign whatsoever that Mulder could even hear her, much less acknowledge her presence. Maybe her talking was driving him further into himself. Maybe she made it so that he would never want to return to the world.

As she sat back in the chair next to his bed she looked sorrowfully at him. "Agent Mulder, it's been 3 weeks that I have spent every free moment of my time looking at you from this God forsaken chair. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up." She reached over and took his hand in both of hers. To comfort him or herself, she wasn't sure. "I think after this weekend, I won't be coming by like this. In fact, my boyfriend, if you could call him that, told me I needed to choose between you or him."

She gave him a wry grin. "Honestly speaking, I'd choose you, seeing that he's also crazy in a sort of way…" Taking a deep breath she continued, "But I've got to get on with my life…"

* * *

As the unintelligible words flowed through the darkness, Fox Mulder grasped a difference to them. They had taken on a tone that almost stated that they were going to end. How he knew that, he hadn't the faintest idea. Maybe some of the sounds were starting to stand out. Some of the words were familiar to a part of him, but their meaning still made no sense.

It was like listening to a person speaking Spanish when you did not speak a word of it. Oh, you could easily listen and repeat the same words but when it came to understanding what you, or they just said, there was no comprehension.

Wrapped up in himself, he also realized they had an undertone of sadness to them. Perhaps they were sad at the possible ending also.

Mulder sat contemplating, his body trembling. The comforting sounds, they couldn't end. They couldn't just leave him for the darkness to take over. It wasn't fair. He couldn't allow it. It was as if it had become a part of him.

With determination he reached out again, not just with his hands and body, but with his mind…

* * *

Jordan sighed, barely keeping her eyes open. She glanced at her watch. It was almost 9:00. "Jesus", she said. "Someone's being exceptionally nice tonight. Visiting hours were over almost an hour ago. Well, Agent Mulder, it's been real…" She stopped when her tired eyes fell back to the patient.

Fox Mulder was looking at her.

She blinked, being caught off guard. There was no doubt about it. He was no longer looking at the ceiling. His head was turned slightly and he was watching her.

Excitement crept up and she had a hard time keeping her seat. "Fox Mulder, Fox? Can you talk to me?"

It took a minute, as the patient contemplated his position and voice. Finally with a bit of hoarseness he whispered, "Don't call me Fox…"

Jordan took no offence as she was too delighted just to hear his voice. "Fine, whatever you say…What would you like me to call you? A miracle maybe?"

Without answering her question, Mulder whispered, "Water."

"Oh, how stupid of me. Give me a minute and I'll get you some." She immediately went to the secretary's desk that was being manned by Nurse Christine Reynolds. She had only met her once before when she had stayed past 9:00 talking with a few of the staff.

"Hello, long time no see," the dark haired woman said with a smile. "You're here a little late."

"I guess it's because nobody came to chase me out."

"Then you're heading out…"

"No, not yet. I need some ice chips and some water in a separate glass if you don't mind."

Without a word, Christine got up to get what was requested. Then Erin added with a grin, "The patient requested it."

The nurse, not realizing the significance of the statement, didn't pause but carried out the request. As she handed the two cups to the agent from inside the lounge, she finally questioned, "Which patient wants the water?"

"Fox Mulder", Jordan stated as a matter of fact. "If you don't mind, I'd like to keep him company a while longer."

The nurse frowned finally catching on. "Surely you're mistaken. He hasn't talked to anyone since he first came here."

"Well he's talking now, and he wants some water." Jordan hurried down the hall with her cups careful not to spill the water leaving Reynolds behind at the door to the lounge.

After a moment of stunned silence, the woman finally brought herself to room 204 and opened the door.

Jordan was on the opposite side of the bed, her hand behind the patient's head holding it up slightly as he attempted to drink from the cup. After a minute she laid him back and sat back in the chair.

The nurse came to the other side of the bed and stared in disbelief.

"Agent Mulder, this is Nurse Reynolds. She's in charge of the night shift."

The patient turned his head to the nurse who gasped a surprise "Hello". He only nodded in affirmation. Clearing her throat she continued, "How are you feeling Mr. Mulder? Are you in any pain or need anything? I can get you something to help you sleep the rest of the night."

He gave the attempt to talk, to try to answer her questions, but quit when his throat refused to oblige. Although the water was helping, it would be awhile before he felt anywhere near normal. Finally he shook his head at her then returned his gaze at Jordan. The request was too obvious as she then gave him some ice to suck on to soothe his unused throat

"I'll be right back", the nurse stated. "There is a note on my desk to call his supervisor, I believe it was, if and when he woke up." She left the room before anyone could say otherwise.


	8. Chapter 8

Alone again with her fellow agent, Jordan waited patiently for him to decide on the conversation. After a few minutes and more water Mulder finally broke the quiet. "Who are you?"

"Just you're friendly neighborhood visitor."

He grinned slightly waiting for her to continue.

"Erin Jordan", she finally announced holding out her hand. He took it as she continued. "I'm also a federal agent just transferred here from Los Angeles 3 months ago. I'm currently working in the admin side but took some time off to be here."

Instead of shaking her hand, Mulder gently squeezed it. "Thank you for the company…however…" He paused causing her eyebrows to furrow. "I believe it's been a waste of your time"

"How so?"

"I don't have any reason to be here."

"I don't understand. Is this about Agent Scully?"

She saw his eyes change at just the mere mention of the name. They reflected the tenderness and longing he felt for this person with the inability to handle it overshadowing them. He sighed, resigned.

"Agent Mulder, is she why you're here?"

"Yes…no…I'm not even sure anymore." He shook his head searching for the words that could explain his feelings.

"Can I ask what happened? Sometimes talking about it helps."

Mulder eyed her sternly. "It didn't help talking to the other psychiatrists. Is that what you are and why you're really here?"

"No to both of those."

"Then who put you up to this?" The suspicion rose with his voice.

"No one. I'm here because…I've been wanting to meet you."

"The story of my life", Mulder snorted turning away.

The door suddenly opened and Nurse Reynolds poked her head in. "Excuse me", she said. "I just wanted to let you know that I was able to contact your supervisor and he said he was coming right away. He said he'd be here in less than an hour."

"Thank you", Jordan answered quietly looking at her watch. It was going on 10:00. AD Skinner was certainly desperate to speak with his agent if he was willing to come out this late.

As the door closed she turned again to Mulder who was looking back at the ceiling. He was not what she had expected. Then again what should she expect from a mental patient? Certainly it would be different than if her sister had woken from her coma. He seemed to be normal enough. Maybe during his down time, his mind had time to straighten itself out so that he would think and act rationally. He seemed to have no trouble carrying on a conversation.

"Would you rather I left?" she asked him abruptly.

He looked back at her, and she could tell he was seriously considering her offer. But there was something deep inside him that longed for the companionship and the conversation. Upon waking up, he had remembered nothing that his consciousness experienced except for the faint comfort of someone's voice that broke through his walls. He had almost believed it was Scully who had somehow returned to him, to bring him back to her. Maybe it was her call from the dead to show him the way. Lord knows, that was where he thought he was most of the time.

"Not unless you want to", he finally answered.

Jordan felt relieved, if ever so little. "I hope you don't mind but I was looking through some of the files in your…office." What used to be your office, she thought.

Mulder's dark hazel eyes seemed to pierce through her. It was as if he was waiting for this, the moment of ridicule. Normally, he couldn't care less as to what people thought of his investigations. Now however, he felt vulnerable to the barbs, not willing or capable to defend himself.

When he didn't answer, she continued cautiously, fully aware that he looked to be a bomb ready to go off. "That is mostly why I'm here."

There was still no answer, only silence as he seemed to await the inevitable. His breathing became heavy and his body was visibly tense.

Jordan looked at him worriedly. The last thing she needed to do was to set him off. That would be a lovely sight for AD Skinner. For him to walk in on his agent freaking out over something she said. Then there would be the drugs, which no doubt would send his mind back into isolation. The staff would rather have him doped up to the extreme than have to worry about him causing any trouble by being awake.

So talking about the X-Files was a no-no. She cleared her throat thinking of what to change the subject to when Mulder finally spoke softly, his voice on edge. "Are you taking over the X-Files?"

Jordan didn't know she was holding her breath until she answered, letting it out, "No, not at all."

"Then what is this about?"

"I've been reading your X-Files because they are very interesting."

"So was my mother's diary…but I didn't read that." he deadpanned.

"I'm referring to your investigations…the conclusions. Did all that actually happen? Or was there…"

"No, I made it all up because the actual cases were too boring…of course it's true", he interrupted taking offense.

"I wasn't trying to insinuate you lied in your reports."

"So what are you trying to say?"

"What I'm saying is that I believe in you and what you were doing."

"Why? You hardly know me."

"I know you a lot better than you think I do."

He went silent sizing her words up, trying to decide whether or not to trust her. He figured she wanted something from him and was trying to get on his good side to obtain it. But what could he possibly give her?

Not prepared to continue their exchange, he propped himself up onto his elbows to pull himself into a sitting position. He groaned as his body protested against the stiffness that had settled in it. But was finally able to overcome it and was soon sitting with his back against the headboard. He gave a deep sigh as he relaxed back.

Jordan had been prepared to offer her help but stayed seated allowing him to do it on his own. She felt totally unprepared trying to talk to him, as she was afraid of saying the wrong thing and setting him off.

The door opened before she could continue and the Assistant Director entered the room. Relief was evident on his face and he couldn't help his smile. "Agent Mulder…" he started reaching the bed. "It's good to see you awake."

"Thank you sir", Mulder started but stopped as he reined in his thoughts.

Before anyone could continue, Erin stood up. "Excuse me, but I should go. I know you two have a lot to talk about."

"Yes we do", the AD stated at the same moment Mulder shook his head with a "No we don't."

Pausing over the difference of opinion she continued, "Uh…you two can discuss that amongst yourselves. Good night." She quickly crossed the room aware of the two pairs of eyes watching her until she closed the door behind her.

"What was that about?" Skinner asked abruptly. "Do you realize how long it's been?"

"No sir, I don't. I've been a little too busy to keep up with my calendar."

Skinner shook his head. "It's been over 6 months since you were brought in here babbling incoherently."

"That's nothing new."

Skinner pondered a moment over his agent's "don't care" attitude. "You don't sound happy to be back." he finally realized aloud.

"Frankly sir, I'm not." Mulder stated, his frustration even more evident than with Jordan. "The last 6 months have probably been the best part of my life. I didn't have to deal with the situations and the pressures put on me by the Bureau, who thinks I'm nothing more than someone to be manipulated and used as a whipping post for their godforsaken pleasure. To think that I would want to come back for more of their shit I should be crazy and locked away", he snapped, his body trembling.

Walter Skinner expected something like this, however he thought it would be more towards the fact that Agent Scully was gone for good. He wondered if it was even a good idea to mention her at this point. But Mulder was ahead of him.

"And you, among everyone else feel I'm here all because of Agent Scully. Well, surprise, I'm not." He paused trying to keep the building emotions from interfering with his train of thought. "I'm here because some government sons of bitches decided to let me in on a little secret of theirs…one that had to do with my sister." He stopped, burying his face in his hands determined not to let the AD see him in his anguish as the memories of his sister, deformed by the tests forced upon her, resurfaced.

"Agent Mulder, calm down…" Skinner said fearing a relapse from the agent. "I'm not here to drag you back to work. I've been worried about you." His thoughts ran awry trying to understand what had been said. He had not been aware of any such secret. No one had known where Samantha was including him.

"Sir, please leave me alone." Fox Mulder's voice was taught; his words forced as he fought to maintain control.

Skinner took a last look at the broken man. "If you need anything or want to talk, you know how to contact me." As he headed for the door, the patient reached out and pressed the button for the front desk.

Nurse Reynolds opened the door the same time as the AD arrived at it. "What do you need Mr. Mulder." she asked stepping into the room and out of his way.

"I want something to put me asleep so I don't have to think or dream about anything", the patient muttered slumping back down into the bed and under the covers. As the nurse went to carry out his request, Skinner took one last look at him and closed the door.


	9. Chapter 9

The following morning went like any other day for Erin Jordan; shower, clean up, breakfast, then head for the hospital. Deep down she worried over her visit and how it would go especially after the previous day. But she knew that Mulder had no one but himself to rely on at this point and she was willing to offer her friendship.

After saying that she had believed in him the previous day, she had mentally kicked herself. Mulder had every right to be suspicious of her intentions. He had no idea who she was and why she was there or if anything she said was true. Somehow, she had to try and get him past this, if he was ever going to get on with his life.

She entered his room shortly past 9:00. The patient was sitting up, a tray of uneaten food in front of him. She stopped at the foot of his bed, her body between him and whatever he was staring at deep in thought.

His eyes lowered as she greeted him with a good morning. When he didn't answer she took her normal seat to his left. "Food any good?" she asked glancing at the untouched tray containing runny eggs, toast, an apple, bowl of cereal and a glass of orange juice.

"It's a hospital, what do you think?"

"Pretty damn awful then…"

Mulder smiled nodding.

"I don't suppose you're the type that enjoys what the fast food joints have to offer…"

"…the greasier the better."

"Maybe, just maybe, I might be able to hook you up…"

* * *

Assistant Director Walter Skinner was returning to his desk from a briefing when a familiar figure stepped out from the shadows obviously waiting on him. Skinner stopped before sitting, his hands in his pockets.

"So, how is he?"

"How is who?"

"You visited him last night."

Skinner bit his lip attempting to not say something he would regret later. "Why don't you see him for yourself and ask him?"

The man who smoked the cigarettes grinned almost mirthfully. "Then he's not considering coming back to work."

The AD stared blankly. "Why would you be interested? Is there something he knows that he shouldn't?"

"No, not at all." His words were not believed. "Just a citizen concerned about his welfare."

Skinner snorted and sat at his desk determined to ignore his visitor and his words and get on with his day.

When it was apparent the conversation had ended, the visitor's cigarette was crushed into the unused ashtray on the edge of the desk and he left the room.

* * *

Noon brought Nurse Angie Turner into the room with another tray of food and a small cup of pills. Setting them on the small table now against the bed, she turned to the patient. "It's good to see you up Fox."

Her exuberance and over-zealous smile made Mulder's stomach turn. His annoyance with her enthusiasm was lost upon her as she held out the plastic cup for him to take. When he didn't move to accept it she added, "The doctor will be in to see you shortly while to update your prescription now that you're awake."

Looking at the bright colored pills cynically he asked, "What exactly are they for?"

"It's what you've been taking all this time, although you wouldn't remember because of the state you were in."

Mulder turned away, his actions clearly reflecting his refusal at taking them.

"Look Fox," she said maintaining her "sunny" attitude. "Either you can take them this way or you can take them the hard way. The choice is yours." When he still didn't move, she turned on her heel and marched out without another word, almost running into Erin Jordan in her haste.

"What was that all about?" the agent asked then paused as Mulder, in a fit of anger, picked up the cup of pills and threw them across the room.

"Ooh kay," she murmured.

Instead he turned away from her and hung his feet over the side of the bed. He paused getting his bearings and for the dizziness to subside allowing Jordan to approach him. She laid the bag she had been carrying on the bed and waited beside him, silently offering her assistance.

Putting his feet on the floor he then attempted to stand, for the first time in over 6 months. Dizziness immediately enveloped him and he staggered, his stomach churning. Jordan reached over to support him but he sat back with a ragged sigh.

"Been a while?"

His ironic comeback was cut off as the nurse followed by 2 men entered the room. "Okay, Mr. Mulder, I was nice about this before, but enough is enough, you will take your medication."

Mulder turned to face them, apparently unfazed by the brawny men backing the smaller nurse. "Well, look who's here, its Tweedledum and Tweedledee. So that would make you Alice." He glanced back at the woman who had just realized the pills were scattered from one end of the room to the other.

Shaking her head she muttered, "It was so much easier when you were unaware of anything."

Mulder's look darkened. "And I'm sure you'll do everything you can to make it that way again."

She smirked, obviously agreeing with him.

As the pair of orderlies advanced upon the patient, Jordan stepped before them to cut them off. "You don't have to do this. Can't this wait for the doctor? You said he'd be here shortly."

"I have my orders," she said curtly.

Seeing that she had no chance with the burly men, Jordan approached Nurse Turner. "Let me talk to him. Maybe we can work this out without this", she gestured to the men who already held the weakly struggling patient between them.

The nurse held up the syringe knocking the air from it and squirting the medication through the tip. Angered at being ignored, Jordan grabbed the nurse's wrist, squeezing until she received a look of pain. "Listen to me, stop with this already. Get your doctor here and we'll talk, okay?" she said between clenched teeth. She continued to press on the nurse's hand until the syringe fell from her fingers.

"Okay," the woman whispered, pain and anger showing clearly. Jordan released her. "Now take your guys and go and let me talk to him."

Defeated the woman called to the orderlies to come with her. She then reached for the dropped needle but the agent stepped on it making it inaccessible to her. "Just leave it."

Glaring over her shoulder, the woman left the room.

After the door had shut, none too gently, Jordan's shoulders slumped with a sigh. "Shit, what have I done?" she breathed.

She turned to face Mulder who had been watching her, a look of amazement on his face. It seemed that she had surprised him also. "You know, if you don't watch it they'll admit you here too."

"So I'm supposed to sit back and let them do whatever they want to you."

"It's their job."

Jordan snorted. "I find it hard to believe that you would just sit back and take this."

"I never said I was going to sit back."

The female agent picked up the syringe and returned to Mulder who was again sitting on the edge of the bed, his feet on the floor. She set the needle on the stand and stood beside him. She took his right arm over her shoulder then asked him to stand again and let her support him.

The second time was a lot easier and he only needed her for a moment until the lightheadedness passed. Then he stepped away from her and the bed, the stiffness keeping him slow.

She sat down and watched him. She wasn't sure whether to applaud or curse his stubbornness. Agent Newman had told her much about him to include this trait but she didn't realize just how strong it was until now.

Voices behind the door soon broke into her concentration and she went to it in hopes to stall the nurses further. By now Mulder was getting around the room almost at a normal pace. He had stopped at the dresser and opened the drawers with the hopes that he had some clothes available in it. No such luck.

Opening the door, Jordan stepped out into the group of staff personnel that worked there. The irate discussions immediately stopped as they noticed her. The doctor had finally arrived and two nurses, one being Nurse Turner with the two orderlies, had been complaining to him about the uncooperative patient and visitor. He had tried to calm the staff down to even understand them but was on the verge of bursting into the room. Now that Jordan had stepped out, he immediately left the group and taking her arm pulled her to the side.

"Why are you keeping my staff from doing their jobs?" he demanded.

"I need you to see the patient and re-evaluate his condition."

"Are you a doctor?"

She knew where this was going. "No, but…"

"Then I'll have to ask you to step aside and let them do their job."

"I will, but how can you prescribe accurate medication on a patient without first knowing his symptoms?"

His patience was wearing thin as he replied sourly, "His medication is acceptable for his known symptoms. As far as I'm concerned, him being awake or asleep does not affect his dosage…in this case."

"I'm not so sure that your pills were not the cause of him being cationic in the first place."


	10. Chapter 10

**Because this chapter came out extremely short, I should have the next one out sooner than the usual 5-7 days. Thanks for the patience.**

Fox Mulder sighed with frustration. He was not even sure why he was up and getting used to moving around. If this was anything like the last time in a mental ward then they had no intention of letting him leave. Besides, where would he go or do if he was able to? He hadn't seriously thought about returning to the bureau just as he had made it known to Skinner.

He leaned back against the wall and sank to the floor as the memories flooded him. If only Dana Scully was here, she wouldn't allow anybody near him. She'd get him out of here, one way or another.

He smiled grimly, dear Scully. How had he been able to go on at all without her? After she had died in his arms at the crime scene, he had fell into a void; his dark pit of hell with no way out crushing his spirit and life. His office turned into a place he avoided. He had depended on her showing up every time he went down to it. And when she didn't, it caused him to sink deeper into his depression. He rarely ate and tried to avoid sleep because of the nightmares, maintaining his mind and body on the brink of exhaustion. When overly exhausted he found that he pondered very little on the past, but was able to "live" in the present.

This had gone on for weeks following Scully's funeral until he was turned around by none other than X visiting him at his apartment one day.

_Mulder had been sitting on his black leather couch glancing through a folder he had coerced another agent into getting for him. He had been "bouncing" in and out of leave status due to his mentality. He was then temporarily assigned a desk job, completing simple and mundane tasks. Although his supervisor had his best interests at heart, they were the opposite of what he really wanted – a case to keep his mind busy. So then he talked a coworker into obtaining a case file for him to look through. _

_ A knock came at the door causing Mulder to look up but not move. When it continued relentlessly, he yelled for it to go away and leave him alone. Feeling a headache coming on due to the insistent racket he finally staggered to his feet and went to the door._

_ He jerked it open prepared to curse the violator out, but was cut off as a familiar black man pushed past him. "Come on in", Mulder said sarcastically still facing the hallway. He shut the door and returned to his couch and his file as if the visitor didn't exist._

_ "So this is where it all ends", the man said harshly standing over the agent from the opposite side of the table._

_ "Nothing has ended."_

_ "Everything has for you. You're doing no better than your dead partner."_

_ "Don't go there", came a warning._

_ X, as he was so called, crossed the floor in a few strides and after a look out the window, closed the blinds tight. "You have lost your edge and your desire. You're just as good as dead."_

_ "No! God damn it", Mulder yelled slamming his fist on the table. He stood up infuriated, fists clenched. "You don't know a God damn thing about me…about the hell I've been through!"_

_ "Get over it, Agent Mulder! Reliving it is not going to change a thing!"_

_ "Why do you care?" Mulder demanded fighting to contain his emotions that threatened to overwhelm him._

_ "The X-Files needs you."_

_ Mulder glared at him, his body trembling with the anger that coursed through him._

_ "Don't tell me that you don't need them."_

_ Through clenched teeth Mulder hissed, "I don't need them. I don't need you. I don't need anyone."_

_ "Then do us all a favor and quit the bureau. Lock yourself in your apartment and rot." The black man glanced down at the file. "Give it up Agent Mulder, you're no good to anyone now."_

_ Mulder stood unmoving, eyes closed, biting into his lip until he tasted blood. Then hearing the door open he looked up at his visitor leaving. "They've won Mulder, they've beaten you…you alone."_

_ He didn't know how long he stood there, sorting out the thoughts "X" left him with. He was right. Mulder had given up. Even though he gave the impression at the bureau that he could continue on, he wasn't. It was for appearances only. His mind was lost; wallowing in its own self-pity._

_ After a night of deliberation, he knew the only way for him to continue was to stop feeling sorry for himself. He was still alive and was capable of continuing the work on the X-Files. He had done it before and he could do it again._


	11. Chapter 11

The doctor entered the room to his patient sitting on the floor against the wall. His arms were tightly wrapped around his legs holding them to him. His eyes, red with tears stared off into space and he was mumbling something incoherently to himself.

Jordan entered the room a minute later and was brought up short at the door. "Oh my God", she mouthed.

"Do you now see why he's on medication?" He glared at the girl then went back to the door and stepped out.

She rushed over to the patient whose eyes only looked through her instead of at her. "Mulder", she whispered, calling to him, trying to break through. She kneeled in front of him and held his face up to hers. "Mulder, listen to me."

He stopped mumbling, and then stared at her, the grief evident in his eyes. "Scully?"

"No, not Scully." she whispered to him. "You still miss her don't you…?"

His body loosened and she took him in her arms, allowing him to lie against her, his face pressed to her shoulder. Although she couldn't hear him, she felt his body wracking with the sobs he had held back for so long. Running her hand through his hair, she continued to whisper trying to soothe him.

After what felt like an eternity, but was no longer than a couple of minutes he pulled back from her, his eyes glazed over from the tears. She realized that he probably didn't recognize who he was speaking to, that she may even be Scully to him. Why else would he have broken down with someone he hardly knew?

"Oh God Scully, why?" he moaned.

Not knowing whether he was actually talking to her or not she again took his face in her hands. "Mulder, did you love Scully?"

"I never told her…how I felt." He breathed heavily trying to compose himself.

"I'm sure she knew."

"I just don't know…"

Jordan glanced over her shoulder to see the doctor with Nurse Hanson standing beside him in silence. Surprisingly they hadn't interfered with her comforting their patient.

* * *

Early Sunday afternoon brought AD Walter Skinner back to the hospital. He signed in without a word from the nurses and proceeded to room 204. The room was as it had always been except for its lone occupant sitting at the table facing the window. Circling around it he saw the patient's elbows on the table, chin on hands, his face betraying that he was in deep thought.

"Is this seat taken?"

"Huh?" the patient looked up. "Oh, yeah. Go ahead and sit down." Then he was staring out at the window again.

"Agent Mulder, I received a very disturbing call yesterday."

"Sorry sir, not taking any cases today."

"No, it was about you."

No answer.

"You and Agent Jordan."

"That's how the rumors start."

Rubbing his head, Skinner tried again. "Do you want to get out of this place?"

Mulder finally looked his superior in the eye. "But I'm just beginning to like it here. Makes me feel at home." He paused. "Except for the curtains, they need to be a different color. It just doesn't follow the room's motif…"

"Agent Mulder."

"…of a jail cell", the patient finished.

Skinner sighed.

"Of course I want out of here. But I'm not sure of what I want to go back to."

"In other words."

"I'm not sure I want to return to work with the bureau."

Skinner nodded slightly. "Okay, what did you have in mind?"

Burying his face in his hands, Mulder only replied "I don't know".

* * *

Jordan returned to the FBI Headquarters the following week to a deskful of paperwork. Feeling renewed after her time off she plunged into her work faithfully. Most days, she worked late to catch up and to keep her mind off of a certain patient. Her home life had become virtually nonexistent as Agent Krayse had continued to point out. She was now determined to get her life back.

Her answering machine contained a message left by him each night upon her return. The latest left on Thursday had invited her out Friday evening. Listening to it she smiled. It sounded apparent he had missed her during the previous weeks. He had apologized for his lack of interest and time he had spent with her and had wanted to make up for it. His plan was to discuss it with her on their Friday night out.

Now looking forward to the following night, Jordan went to bed earlier than she had all week intent upon getting a good night's sleep.

However, she awoke abruptly at 2:15 in the morning lying for a moment confused, until the phone rang, apparently not for the first time. Groggily she reached over and clumsily grabbed the handset and putting it to her ear. "Hello", she mumbled.

"Agent Jordan?" a familiar voice questioned barely above a whisper.

"Yes it is", she groaned trying to remember the person it belonged to. When the caller didn't continue she rolled over on her back to stay awake. "Who is this?"

The silence continued causing the girl to sigh in annoyance. She turned back over to hang it up when she heard someone yell in the background. Pulling the receiver closer to her ear she continued to listen.

"What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in your bed!" a woman's voice clearly hollered.

"Hello?" Jordan called confused from her end.

"Listen to me", the first person said loudly now. "I need to talk to you. I don't know who else to turn to…"

Jordan's mouth dropped with recognition as she now heard the sounds of a scuffle over the phone. "Agent Mulder! Mulder…" she called as a click then dial tone filled her ear.

**Another short chapter, but the next will be longer...**


	12. Chapter 12

Erin reached her office over an hour early the next morning. Concerned over the phone call and the lack of an answer at the mental hospital when she called kept her awake the rest of the night. She had seriously debated upon driving out but knew she could be held at the gate. There was no visitation during the evening hours plus she had no warrant to ensure her entry otherwise.

Recalling that Nurse Hanson came to work at 7:00 in the morning, she decided to try her first in hopes of getting her questions answered. Waiting until 5 minutes after the hour she tried the number she knew by heart and was mildly surprised when the phone was answered before the second ring.

"Hello, Amiston Fields, can I help you?"

"Yes, I'd like to speak with Nurse Hanson, please." She tried to sound pleasant giving the clerk no reason to wonder about her call.

"One moment please." Soothing jazz music filled the receiver and Jordan sighed with relief when her name wasn't asked for.

A minute later, Nurse Hanson answered the phone. "This is Miss Hanson. How can I help you?"

"Miss Hanson, this is Agent Jordan…"

"Ah yes, I remember you. You used to visit your fellow G-Man. So what happened? We've all missed your visits."

Jordan smiled reminiscing. "He gave me the impression he wanted time alone to think about things so I gave him his space. Besides I had to be back at work."

"Okay then. So what can I help you with?"

Jordan took a deep breath not really sure how to continue. "It's been a few days and I was just checking to see how he was doing." She closed her eyes wondering if she sounded legitimate.

"Well, I haven't seen him as much as I used to. I can give you to his regular nurse who's on the dayshift and she can tell you more than I can."

"No, that's okay, don't bother her. I was just getting a quick update to…" she paused fighting panic that was rising within her. "…Give to his boss, Walter Skinner."

"Oh, well, all I can tell you is that I hear he hasn't been that cooperative in the last couple of days. His nurse has said he's been acting a lot more psychotic causing the doctor to prescribe stronger medication. He's restrained in his bed most of the time…" The nurse's voice broke. She had been gradually lowering it to a whisper, but her empathy for the patient finally caused her to stop.

Caught off guard, Jordan could only stand in shock. She now understood the phone call last night. There was no doubt in her mind; it had been a call for help.

"Look Miss Jordan", the nurse's words broke into her thoughts. "I shouldn't be telling you this, but I like Fox. I thought he was coming along well."

"Well enough to be released?"

"That's not my decision. But he was doing much better until he backslid sometime Monday night. I had thought maybe he missed the company when you were here so I tried to visit him more often just to talk. But I have been reassigned to other patients because the manager thought I was not giving my time equally to my charges."

Jordan visibly swallowed, worried thoughts and scenarios filling her mind.

"I need to go now. I'll talk to you when I can", the nurse said softly and hung up before Erin could say good-bye.

The day dragged slowly. Jordan had debated on leaving early until her supervisor handed her another armload of paperwork. It seemed her co-worker had decided to take some time off also.

She had also thought to inform AD Skinner but stopped halfway to his office when she wondered why Mulder didn't contact his boss himself. Apparently Skinner cared about his agent, but maybe the agent didn't trust him. Perhaps, Skinner already knew what was happening but couldn't or didn't want to help. She found herself turning around and heading back to her office.

By 5:30, Jordan was parking her vehicle at the hospital. She had been mildly surprised to not have been turned away at the gate, but the clerk acted like it was any other day she had been there and had greeted her like normal.

* * *

Fox Mulder lay barely conscious in his bed; his mind and body feeling like he had drank so much that he was on the verge of passing out. His wrists and ankles were strapped tightly down almost to the point of cutting off circulation, although he was too drugged to notice. This, he knew, was due to his escapade the night before in search of a way out, even if it had only gotten him to a phone. It had also ended the pills he was taking, or the ones he, at times could hide and then spit out later when no one was present. Now, the staff used a syringe to administer his medication.

Now, he wondered if the call he had made had been in vain. He had heard or seen nothing that could prove otherwise.

He caught a movement to his right from his barely focusing eyes. Figuring it to be a nurse, he ignored it except to turn his head away, unwilling to be social or cooperative depending on whom it was.

"Mulder?" The voice was soft with a guilty tone to it, yet familiar.

With his head bobbing like a drunk, he turned it back to face the visitor. "You came", he said.

The hurt was evident in the girl's eyes as she slowly nodded. "What have they done to you?"

"Gave me some of the good stuff." He flashed her a grin that only tore at her heart.

She went to the other side of him and sat in the familiar chair. "You said you needed to talk." She kept her voice low looking up over him at the entrance. Mulder followed her eyes and was able to make out a white clothed individual standing by the door. "They wouldn't allow me in here alone. They said you could injure yourself or me."

"Humph. And they call me psychotic."

Jordan tried to smile but only frowned. "Talk to me, Mulder. Tell me what happened."

Turning back to the girl, Mulder couldn't help but grin weakly. "You're starting to sound like Scully. Giving me orders…"

She was surprised that his words seemed to hurt her more than him. He was talking to her like nothing was out of the ordinary. That it was only another day in his life instead of being up in arms over the treatment. Then again, it could be the drugs talking. "Does Skinner know about this?"

"I'm fairly certain. He's not the one who caused this but I don't doubt that he knows and can't do anything about it."

Rubbing her hands over her face to relieve the tension Jordan groaned. "And I almost went to him today."

"You can't be talking to anyone about this."

She nodded trying to be optimistic about the situation. "Are you going to tell me what happened in the last couple of days? Such as what you did to piss someone off?"

"I'm sure I've pissed just about everyone off at one time or another but I assure you I didn't start this."

"So?"

"All I remember…" Mulder started haltingly. His head was clearing slowly as the drugs started losing their effect, allowing him to recall the events. "There was talk among the hospital staff about clearing me to leave." He paused, his eyes searching the room as his mind sought the words to explain. "Skinner had called here, according to one of the nurses, to start the paperwork." He sighed allowing his head to fall back on the pillow before he continued. "That evening…there were two of them…one, I believe was Nurse "Jekyll & Hyde"…the other was…was…an orderly…a big one."

Erin watched his constant change of facial expressions as he forced his foggy mind to remember. She wished him her strength to continue.

"I had no chance against him…" The patient raised his unsteady head and looked at his visitor. "I…I should have…been able to…" His eyes reflected an unspoken apology. "I don't know what they gave me. Something in a needle…I can't think straight most of the time. Other times…" he broke off again allowing his head to fall back.

"Yes? Other times…what?" Jordan coerced him to continue.

"I feel I have no control. I do things and I have no answer as to why."

Jordan put her hand on his shoulder, not to soothe or hold him, but to remind him she was there if he needed someone. "Things?"

"Things", he agreed. "Tear things up…hit someone or something…"

"So they've been giving you something to make you violent…so everyone thinks that you're not mentally stable to be discharged", Jordan realized aloud.

He nodded slightly. "And then they give me something else to make me like this." He glanced down at himself, hating the feeling of helplessness that had become his constant companion.

Jordan looked up as the orderly standing at the door open it for a nurse carrying a tray of food who then spoke a few words to the large man causing him to leave the room. She immediately recognized the woman as Nurse Turner; the one Mulder had refused the medication from the first time Jordan saw her.

"Wake up Fox, time to eat", she called sounding every bit cheerful as she looked.

As she set the tray on the table next to him, she added. "Now, can we trust you to feed yourself in front of your guest or do I need to spoon feed you?" She waited beside the bed, obviously delighting in antagonizing her patient.

Thoroughly humiliated, Mulder refused to answer much less even look up at her.

"I'm sure he can handle it himself", Jordan answered curtly.

"Oh, I don't know about that. Maybe we ought to skip the pleasantries and go right to the feeding tube."

Mulder paled noticeably. It took a few moments before he regained his composure enough to glare at the nurse. "You first", he whispered between clenched teeth.

When she didn't move, Erin found herself barely able to control her rage. "Look, you've delivered the food. You've done your job, now leave."

"No, my job is to make sure the patient eats his food."

It didn't take a genius to know that this nurse enjoyed terrorizing her patients. That was probably why the hospital refused to let her go, she could actually get her patients to do what she wanted by threats. Jordan was determined that before she left that day, Nurse Turner would be looking for another job. She stood up to face the woman who was slightly taller and looked down upon her, in more ways than one. But she also saw the nervousness that began to show upon the nurse's features, even as she tried to hide it.

Jordan grinned knowing that the nurse was intimidated by her and set about what she had intended on doing. Without so much as a word she released Mulder's left hand from the restraint, her glare daring the nurse to say or do anything.

"You can't do that, he's dangerous. He could hurt someone", Turner cried but made no move even as the patient removed the restraint from his other wrist.

"Yes. And I'd be worried if I was you", Erin smirked enjoying the nervous look on the nurse's face.

"I'm getting the doctor", the woman announced defiantly turning to leave.

"Yeah, you do that. And don't forget to tell him how you've been threatening your patients."

The nurse paused halfway to the door as if contemplating the agent's words before continuing and leaving the room.

Turning back to the patient, Jordan noticed he was staring at her with newfound respect. "I believe there's someone else behind this that's having her give me these drugs", he said finally.

"Who?"

"Someone at the bureau who doesn't want to see me leave this place."


	13. Chapter 13

**Just in case I confuse anyone, I have put the flashback in italics. **

The cigarette smoking man sat in one of the two remaining chairs still occupying what used to be the basement office. He glanced around the room deep in thought, as he lit a cigarette. The room was cluttered with boxes piled in the corners and on the only table in the room. The desk he sat behind had been cleared off with its drawers halfway open showing their emptiness also. "Okay, Agent Mulder, where did you put it", he muttered softly to himself.

Minutes later the silence was broken as the assistant director entered the room. Noticing the seated man, he closed the door behind him. "This office has been closed down. Can I ask what you are doing here?"

"I don't believe there is any reason for that."

"Then tell me why steps are being taken to ensure Agent Mulder never leaves that hospital" Skinner demanded.

"It's for his protection."

Skinner snorted. "He doesn't need that type of protection. It will probably make you happy to know that he has no intention of coming back here to work anyway."

The man took a long drag of his cigarette scrutinizing the AD, who only glared back. "That's where you're wrong. It's been in his blood too long. He'll be back and he'll continue chasing his aliens and UFOs one way or another."

* * *

Jordan stepped through the door to room 204 and into the hallway. She looked both ways in search of a specific nurse. Finally spotting her at the end of the hallway, pulling sheets from a closet, she walked quickly to meet with her.

The blond haired nurse looked up as she approached and grinned. "Miss Jordan, it's good to see you."

Jordan smiled grimly and nodded. "I need your help, Joanne."

The nurse paused in her work as a look of suspicion briefly crossed her face. "If it has to do with your friend, I'm not his nurse. You'll have to get with Nurse Turner." Her look was replaced with remorse. "I can't have anything to do with him. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to, I can do it myself. All I need is a syringe and tube so I can get a blood sample."

The woman grabbed a few more sheets then pushed the door closed with her small body. "Should I even ask why?"

"If it's better that you don't know, then don't ask. I'll take the heat for it."

With a small sigh Nurse Hanson relented. "Okay, give me 15 minutes and meet me in room 216. It's empty."

"Thank you", Jordan breathed and stopped as the nurse continued down the hallway past the main desk. She immediately entered room 204 directly to her left.

* * *

It was 11:30 when Jordan finally entered her apartment, weary and disheartened. With a sigh, she went immediately to the phone. She had remembered her date with Krayse only a half-hour before and figured he was either angry or frantic with worry. Noticing the light blinking on her answering machine she went to pick it up just as it started ringing.

She paused; composing herself as what she would say then picked it up with an eager "Hello".

"Erin, where the hell have you been?" cried a familiar voice. She had been right on both accounts; the caller was both angry and upset.

"Mark, I'm sorry, I got tied up and forgot." Her apology was empty as her mind was on another person.

"You've had me worried. You were seen leaving the Headquarters at 4:30 this afternoon."

"I'm fine. I was just so busy with other things."

The caller lost the worried tone and his irritation became apparent as he snapped at the tired girl. "I don't have to guess what those other things were."

"And just what are you implying."

"You were out seeing that Fox Mulder again, weren't you?"

"And if I were…" Jordan snapped going on the defensive.

"Just where do you come off doing this? Did you have any intention whatsoever to go out with me tonight or did you just agree to go out to get me off of your back?"

Subdued Jordan answered, her tiredness now showing in her voice, "I had every intention on going out. It's just something came up."

Krayse sighed frustrated. "Always something with you. Well, if you decide to ever have a real life. Maybe…just maybe you can look me up." Before Jordan could answer the phone was hung up in her ear.

Deep in thought, she slowly replaced the receiver on the phone. She had hardly acknowledged much less pondered on their conversation. Instead, she was thinking more on helping a mental patient whose drug tests had come back with only a strong antipsychotic drug in his system, thorazine. No evidence of other drugs to cause his violent outbursts was found.

- o -

_ Using vehicles to shield them, Special Agent Cerelli along with Agent Davidson crossed the darkened parking lot directly on the heels of SWAT team chief Strafford. They entered a dark blue communications van sitting outside a large 20-story office building. Three other agents occupied the vehicle, dressed in black along with the newcomers. _

_ Stepping up behind the individual monitoring the radio wearing headphones, Cerelli asked quietly "So, what exactly have we got?"_

_ Looking over his notes the operator answered grimly, "Two suspects, one with a light machine gun, and the other with a 9 mm. Eighteen hostages are currently inside with them. We've only been able to place some of the people inside, but they keep moving them around like they know we're trying to locate them."_

_ "And we have not been able to talk to either of them much less even been able to get them to release any of the hostages", Strafford added._

_ Cerelli sighed. "They haven't made any demands or anything as to even clue us in to what they want."_

_ One of the agents who had been patiently waiting when the three had entered finally spoke up. "Because Patterson doesn't want anything."_

_ Everyone but the radio operator turned to the individual, their eyes betraying their reluctance to agree. "And just how do you figure that?" Cerelli questioned._

_ Clearing his throat the agent stepped forward. "Patterson killed two prison guards without a second thought. The prison administrator claims that this so-called friend, Collins, isn't a so-called friend. The two have never even exchanged a word between them."_

_ "So what are you saying?" the agent in charge asked clearly without patience._

_ "I believe Patterson came into this alone and intends on leaving alone or not at all."_

_ Cerelli snorted. "You realize what this means."_

_ "Yes", the other agent said but didn't continue._

_ Strafford stepped between the federal agents. "Okay…Agent…"_

_ "Mulder", the other one finished._

_ "Agent Mulder", the SWAT chief continued. "Why don't you elaborate and let us all in on your secret."_

_ Cerelli groaned in annoyance and went to the rear of the vehicle._

_ Unaffected by the agent in charge's attitude, Mulder continued his observation. "According to Patterson's previous record, he is a loner. He has no patience for other's limited mentality. He would rather play the game by his rules alone without anyone else's interference which would include other inmates."_

_ Agent Lake, who had also been waiting with Mulder in the vehicle jumped in. "So what about Collins?"_

_ "Small time bank robber. I'd say he got caught up in Patterson's escape and followed him because he hasn't had the opportunity to bail out."_

_ The SWAT chief frowned. "So you're saying we can disregard this Collins guy and go after Patterson."_

_ Mulder shook his head. "No. You're missing the point. Collins is dangerous either way. He's armed. But Patterson is on his own. Past records reflect this guy is not planning on walking out of here. He has nothing to go back to."_

_ "Bullshit!" came an angry curse from the back of the van. "He wants something. We just have to find out what it is."_

_ As if on cue, the phone sitting next to the built in radio rang. After a nod from Cerelli who strode quickly up to answer it, the agent sitting at the radio started the reel to record the conversation. "Federal Agent Cerelli", he answered._

_ A thick breathless sounding voice came over the loudspeaker in the vehicle. "I'm ready to tell you what I want." Cerelli's eyes flashed triumph at Mulder who only shook his head and left the vehicle by the back door. _

_ As the conversation continued inside the vehicle, Mulder fumed outside against the side of the van, ignoring another figure silently moving between cars to join him. "You okay?" came his partner's voice._

_ "They just don't get it, Scully", he said exasperated._

_ "What is it that they don't get?"_

_ He looked at her noting that she was already in full gear awaiting the order to move forward. At least six other agents with the SWAT team were similarly dressed also waiting around the building. "Patterson just called; he says he wants to deal."_

_ "That's good news, seeing that we have been waiting for this for almost two days."_

_ "That's just it Scully. I've studied this guy's file. I'd know what it is he'd want and there isn't anything."_

_ "I don't know Mulder. Maybe there IS something and his file is incomplete", she offered. _

_ "Scully, no matter what is said or what order is given, don't be a part of that first wave in."_

_ She looked at him surprised. "You're serious about this."_

_ Her partner didn't answer but rather looked to the rear of the vehicle as three individuals stepped off of it and headed toward them. Two of the agents passed by them as Cerelli came face to face with him. "Okay, we've got him talked down. He's willing to let some of the hostages go."_

_ "For what?" Mulder demanded, his expression skeptical._

_ "Money." The agent turned and left him standing in stunned silence._


	14. Chapter 14

_Within a short time the money was delivered, or at least a part of it with cardboard to fill a briefcase. Cerelli stood beside it with the radio monitor while adjusting his headset used to communicate with his fellow agents._

_Team Chief Strafford held the phone out to the FBI agent who answered it with anticipation. "I want to see that money", the convict's breathless voice came over the receiver._

_"I have it here but I need to see that you intend to carry out your side of the bargain."_

_"I have no reason to believe that you have what I want."_

_"The gesture of good will has to go both ways." Cerelli felt uneasiness starting to rise within him. "You let a couple of your hostages go, and we'll bring you the money. A helicopter is currently on its way to pick you up."_

_Mulder kneeled behind a stone structure on one side of the steps facing the nervous Lake on the opposite side. As the agent in charge walked by him with a briefcase in hand, he bit back a curse. "Cerelli, you're crazy. This won't work," he called as loud as he dared. He was ignored as the agent continued up the steps to the building._

_Mulder shook his head with annoyance and futility. He glanced around his area looking for his partner's short frame but didn't see her._

_Agent Cerelli stopped to the side of the door, his cell phone now in hand. "Okay, I'm here at the door, Patterson. Let the women and the child go."_

_When the convict didn't answer the agent feared the worse and almost backed down when he saw the child followed by 6 women heading for the door towards him. They were followed closely by Collins who trailed behind them with his pistol hovering over their backs._

_Upon reaching the door Patterson called everyone to a halt warning them not to open the door._

_Taking in the scared faces of the hostages Cerelli yelled into his phone, "Patterson, what are you doing? They were to leave."_

_"I don't believe you have the money I want." Patterson's thick voice was monotone._

_"I have it here in this briefcase which will be handed over to your…"_

_"No!" Patterson interrupted. "It will not be handed over. I want you to bring it to me. You and, I'll say…three of your men."_

_"We had a deal", Cerelli said trying to hide his desperation. "You let the women and child go and we bring the money and get you a ride."_

_"To hell with your deal. For all I know you have a bomb in the briefcase. You and three of your men will walk in the right side of the door with NO guns while the women exit on the left at the same time. Am I understood?"_

_While the conversation went on, the federal agents supplemented by the SWAT team advanced upon the building making sure they stayed out of sight of the few windows circling it. The side door leading to another door that opened into the main lobby was found open and unsecured. Five members of the team entered in silence, checking each office along the corridor._

_At the rear door, more team members entered just as quietly into a larger office that was filled with cubicles made with temporary walls. Winding their way towards the lobby door filled with anticipation, no one questioned the fact as to why the doors were open now but had been locked when checked by the police two days earlier._

_"I'll bring it in myself only. I will not allow anyone else…" Cerelli was again cut off as Patterson, still betraying no emotion, interrupted._

_"Oh, but you are already bringing others into this. I'm sure that's your men coming in the side and back doors now. Isn't it?"_

_Cerelli swallowed. The power had been cut; the cameras should not have been working, so how did this guy know? "Look, you can still come out of this alive", he said on the phone then after covering it, he immediately added into the headset. "All personnel in the building use extreme caution. He knows you're inside."_

_Mulder, who had heard the majority of the conversation, finally ran out of patience and rushed up towards the building, taking care to stay out of sight of the main doors. He stepped up beside the agent in charge who only glared at his approach._

_"This won't work Cerelli. Pull those men out of there."_

_"Get out of my face Agent Mulder! I'm running this operation!"_

_Mulder considered arguing the point when a shot rang out from inside the building._

_When another didn't follow, Cerelli peered around the edge of the wall and called into the headset. "Who the hell fired that shot?" Denials were the only answer he got._

_Unable to make out anything past the frightened women at the door he returned the cell phone to his cheek. "Patterson, what is going on? What about our deal?" He stood silent waiting on the answer, when there wasn't one he assumed that the man had hung up. But after a few seconds he could make out the breathing. Patterson hadn't left; he was probably considering his situation._

_"There is no deal, Fed."_

_Shots fired from Patterson's machine gun drowned Cerelli's comment out. Women's screams filled the air as Mulder pushed past the agent in charge and threw open the door trying to herd the people out. He had his gun ready for Collins who had been right behind them but he didn't see the other inmate._

_The team's weapons added to Patterson's gunshots as they burst through the doors. Within moments it was over and the room lay in silence._

_Mulder stepped inside away from the people still exiting the building. The first thing his eyes fell on was the still body of Collins laying face down on the floor. He had been standing behind the women apparently facing them and the door with his gun still covering them. His only injury was a shot in the back of the head and the only person who had an open shot at him was Patterson._

_He stepped into the lobby, only then lowering his gun. The remaining hostages had now cleared out leaving many people lying on the floor either injured or dead. He couldn't help but notice there was a couple of black suited individuals on the floor also._

_As the team now being augmented by medical personnel attended to the wounded, he stepped silently over Collins to face the criminal slumped against a large pillar. He kneeled down looking over the cause of past two days' pandemonium. The bald man still in his prison outfit had at least two dozen wounds spaced all over his body. Unfortunately with his adrenaline, it may have taken all the shots to bring him down. Mulder lowered his head in thought. It had been no good from the start. The guy hadn't cared whether he lived or died, just how many people he could take with him._

_Standing up he turned back towards the casualties and medical personnel as they worked feverishly over the living ones. Most had already been taken out of the building on gurneys while others were being dressed for minor injuries._

_Taking in the scene he realized he didn't see his partner who would have insisted on helping with the wounded. "Scully?" he called through the room not hearing an answer. Hoping she had taken him seriously during their earlier conversation he jogged to the door and looked out. "Scully?" He continued calling for her as he went down the steps and to where the last of the three ambulances were waiting._

_Dread began filling him as he maneuvered through the medical personnel and teams. His calls grew more frantic as they continued to go unanswered._

_Returning to the building almost at a dead run he burst into the lobby, immediately noticing the two bodies still mostly dressed in black among three other civilians. Catching his breath he went over to them. There was no mistaking the red hair of one of the casualties a nurse continued to work on. Her eyes were closed, the vest had been removed, and her shirt was soaked in her blood._

_Mulder fell to his knees beside her; first taking in the victim, then the nurse, with an unspoken question._

_"I'm sorry. All I could do was give her something for the pain", she said with as much sorrow as she could muster for a patient she didn't know. She collected her equipment into a bag unaware of the despair building in front of her._

_As she stood up to depart Mulder grabbed her arms. "No, you can't leave. You have to help her."_

_"I can't do anything for her. No one can."_

_Mulder's eyes lowered in anguish taking in his fallen partner. "Yes you can. She's not dead." His beseechingly look returned to the nurse. "You can't just leave her like this. Help her, please", he begged again not realizing his grip tightened enough to cause her to look back at him in pain._

_"I can't. Her injuries are too severe. I need to help the others." She tried to pull back out of his grip._

_"Mulder", a soft voice came from behind him. "Please, let her go. She's done everything she can."_

_Recognizing the voice of Agent Lake, he reluctantly released the nurse and knelt back down to his partner. "Scully?" he whispered to her. Almost fearful of touching her and hurting her more he brushed his hand lightly down the side of her face, feeling her soft, warm skin._

_"Mulder…" came a weak answer. Her eyes fluttered open to look at him. Taking in the grief evident in his eyes, his tears on the verge of breaking through, she intended to console him, to let him know everything would be all right. But she knew, even through her hazy mind that it wasn't. She knew that she was dying, that the bullets fired had caught her more on the side than in the front where the vest could have protected her, that the team had been set up from the start, that their intended victim had better protection than they had causing them to expose themselves to get to him. She had remembered her partner's warning and had intended on following it. But when called into the building she moved with the rest and was unintentionally shuffled towards the front. "I need…" she gasped unable to continue._

_"Don't try and talk", he whispered for lack of better words. With each breath his anxiety built and his composure faced. He hardly noticed the tears now streaming down his face and that his trembling lips couldn't form the words he wanted to say. His mind only comprehended the fact of the person he cared for the most in the entire world, lay dying in front of him and he couldn't stop it._

_With a shaky arm she reached up to his face and brushed away a tear. She tried to smile to reassure him but she instead coughed, blood dribbling down her chin._

_Filled with helplessness, Mulder watched with dispair. He desired to take her in his arms and shield her from the inevitable._

_When her coughing subsided she tried to talk again. "Please…" She gasped from the from lack of oxygen. "Hold me." Her voice scarcely a whisper but he heard and pulled her up gently into his lap._

_Holding her to him, his chin resting lightly on her head he murmured softly, "I'll never let you go." He ignored the fact her blood seeped into his clothes. His eyes closed tightly and he fought back the urge to scream._

_"Mulder." His name reached him so softly he wasn't even sure she had said it. Her head slumped to the side against his arm causing him to freeze, holding his breath. He knew without looking, that Scully, his Scully was gone. Yet he still waited; still hoped that somehow this wasn't happening. Scully would open her eyes and tell him that she had him good. He didn't care at this point that she would've scared the shit out of him. Everything would still go back to the normal routine. They would take her to the hospital and the doctors would make her well._

_"Scully?" He finally let out his breath burying his face into her soft hair. "Oh God Scully." He now realized that the normal routine was a thing of the past, gone with the person he still held to him. His body wracked with sobs as he cried without shame over the one and only person who ever really cared about him; the one who stood by him whether she believed in his theories or not; and the one that he loved, whether he admitted it or not._

_"Mulder." A familiar voice broke into his despair and he realized that someone's hand was on his shoulder, not to draw him away from Scully but to offer support. He tensed but did not release his partner. "I'm so sorry", the person added._

_Shaking his head in disbelief, Mulder felt his emotions overwhelm him and made no attempt in keeping his cries for his partner quiet._

_Standing behind him, and the only other person in the room, AD Skinner removed his glasses and dabbed at his eyes with his handkerchief. It had only been a couple of minutes before that he had gestured everyone from the room, allowing his agent to expend his grief. Now he was thankful he did, as he also needed the chance to remove himself from their eyes to shed his sorrow over the loss._


	15. Chapter 15

Mulder jerked up from his nightmare still calling for his partner. He immediately found himself struggling with two orderlies who were holding his arms, attempting to place his wrists in restraints. He put all his strength into keeping his arms and legs free, flailing them and thrashing around the bed.

Nurse Turner came to the head of the bed, a syringe in her hand ready to use. As he continued to struggle he tried to yell but she immediately shoved a cloth into his mouth. Then grabbing a handful of hair she jerked his head back to the pillow. "There will be none of that Fox," she snapped.

Unfortunately the orderlies were now getting the upper hand and soon had his wrists locked into the restraints. With his upper body virtually immobilized, the nurse had no problem sticking him with needle and injecting him with its contents.

* * *

Nurse Hanson stood at her locker staring at its contents in frustration. She was certain she had left her niece's birthday card in it. Even completing a second sweep through the paperwork and clothes still produced nothing. Glancing around the locker room she sighed trying to recall where it might be. The lounge crossed her mind and she went to the door to check.

Stepping into the barely lit hallway, she came to an abrupt stop. A nurse followed closely by two orderlies was leaving room 204 in a hurry. They turned down the hallway in the opposite direction from her, striding quickly, yet silently, towards the side exit. The nurse left through the door while the orderlies continued down another hallway.

Hanson continued watching down the hallway even minutes after the three had left her sight. She didn't understand why Nurse Turner was in the building. As far as she knew, the chief therapist had suspended Turner, even though the patient's doctor insisted that she should stay and continue to work.

Curiosity finally got the best of the blond haired attendant and she found herself arriving at room 204 and opened the door. She closed it quickly behind her to keep anyone else from noticing her arrival.

The patient lay unmoving in the bed except for his hands clenching and unclenching into fists. Uncertain, she approached him, her eyes wide with apprehension. "Fox? Fox Mulder? Are you all right?" she asked gently.

The patient was staring at the ceiling at nothing in particular. He was also mumbling to himself which sounded like gibberish to the nurse.

"Excuse me," came the secretary's voice behind her causing her to spin around in surprise. However, before she could answer, the woman was suddenly motioning behind her in fear.

Hanson didn't have a chance to turn again as her right arm was seized tightly from behind and she was jerked backward almost off her feet and into the bed. She cried out more out of surprise than the pain and immediately struggled to release herself from the patient's grip.

Mulder only squeezed tighter as he now pulled her up to the head of the bed to face him, now sitting up. Trying to pry his grip loose with her free hand, the nurse fought to remain calm. "Please, Fox, you're hurting me. Let me go," she said through clenched teeth.

She faced his leering gaze that seemed to look more through her than at her, then at the rage that coursed through him. She paled at the thought of what he could do to her. "Mulder. Please talk to me, tell me what's wrong." She tried words again, attempting to break through to him.

Although his hand didn't loosen his hold, his other went to her face. Hanson visibly shuddered as he gently touched her cheek. Running it lightly down her face and pausing at her throat, his eyes now focusing on hers. His gaze, for the moment was calm; the turmoil at bay.

Time seemed to stand still for the two people. Hanson's fear and pain had now caused her to freeze, almost afraid to even breathe. She had no intention of giving the federal agent any reason to become violent and hurt her more.

Mulder stared. Uncertainty for the moment was filling him as he tried to sort out his thoughts. Then as if he was fighting something within, his body started trembling. He tensed, dropping his gaze and shaking his head.

Feeling his hand loosen on her arm slightly, Hanson renewed her pulling to free herself. Her attempt was short-lived as he renewed his grip and he glared back at her.

His hand still at her throat now closed around it, cutting her air. Staggering to his feet, he forced the nurse up against the wall at the head of the bed. Releasing her arm he wrapped both hands around her throat and using his body weight held her against the wall. His face was inches from hers as he snarled in ragged breaths, "You won't be killing anyone ever again."

Hanson gasped, no longer capable of begging. She struggled weakly trying dislodge his arms but felt it a losing battle.

The door suddenly swung open and the secretary immediately stepped in followed by two orderlies. "She's here too…" the woman started then fell silent as she took in the scene.

Mulder's attention did not waiver from the nurse in front of him until the orderlies each grabbed an arm from behind and pulled him from her. He was turned towards the bed and pinned down on it, his arms behind his back. Still struggling in vain he could only yell his defiance at his assailants.

Nurse Hanson, still gasping, was helped to the door by the secretary. "I'll get a tranquilizer," she managed to say. She almost walked into Erin Jordan who had been running down the hall to the room.

"Your friend attacked her," the secretary informed the agent. "He needs something to settle him down." She released the nurse to the stronger woman and returned to the room.

Jordan helped support Hanson who was still gasping, down the hall. They came to a familiar locked room in which the nurse handed over the keys to the calmer agent. Jordan had it open in a moment allowing the two to enter, each going in different directions. "Why are you here?" the attendant finally questioned

"I had a message for the secretary to call me if your Nurse Turner showed up."

Jordan grabbed a vial and needle. "I still believe that she has been giving him something to cause this change in his behavior."

"I hope you're right on that", the nurse said without much conviction.

Feeling a little steadier Hanson didn't require Jordan's aid in returning to the room. Reaching the door first, the agent held up her vial. "Just let me get a sample before you shoot him up, please."

Pausing weakly at the door, Hanson nodded. "Make it quick", she said softly.

Jordan rushed to the bed, preparing the needle as she went. The orderly on the right moved farther back and held out Mulder's arm while the other now held the patient's head to the mattress, totally subduing him. As she rubbed the alcohol swab on his wrist she found herself looking at the agents face, mentally crossing her fingers. "Here's hoping," she whispered softly. Mulder only grimaced as an answer.


	16. Chapter 16

Walter Skinner couldn't help his grin. His attempt at not showing any emotion also failed. The feeling felt so good that he didn't care that it only made his visitor more annoyed. In fact he couldn't remember feeling this good in a very long time.

He had received a call only hours before of the positive drug test results on his hospitalized agent. The nurse had been using a strong hallucinogenic on him for the last few weeks causing his violent episodes. The chief therapist had evaluated his mentality to be released and had approved it even though some answers given by the patient had caused him concern. Looking over the doctor's notes Skinner understood why. Mulder was being…Mulder. A fact at times that could drive him nuts, but one he was greatly relieved to read. At least the hospitalization hadn't changed him. He had made a quick call to the therapist to ease the man's trepidation.

His guest sat in a chair in front of him. He appeared deep in thought, his unused lit cigarette soon to drop its ashes on its own. "So when is his release going to take place?" Although his face was stone, the disappointment was evident in his voice.

Still smiling, Skinner shuffled through some paperwork to keep his attention off the other individual. "As soon as I finish the documents and give it to them."

"You still haven't explained how this happened."

Skinner eyed him slightly surprised. "I'm really not certain myself. I figured with your contacts you would know more than me." The cigarette smoking man was more than rattled and he enjoyed that fact.

"Don't play games with me." His tone was indignant. "You know exactly how this happened."

"I assure you, I don't know what you're talking about."

The man stood up and went at the door, pausing before he went out of the room. "You do realize what this will do to the department if he was to return." His words finally caused the AD's smile to fade.

"As you believe that he will. So I believe this conversation is over." Skinner glared at him, his annoyance with the visitor plain as day.

The man smiled grimly and closed the door behind him.

* * *

Agent Jordan found herself walking a little lighter to room 204 two days later. A feeling of burden had been lifted and she was in high spirits. Pausing outside the door as a familiar blond-haired nurse approached, Jordan couldn't suppress her smile and a hug to show her gratitude. "Thanks for all your help. He wouldn't be getting out of here otherwise."

When Hanson was released from the embrace, she grinned warmly. "I hate to say it but I'm almost sorry to see him go. Has he decided what he wants to do?"

Jordan sighed, biting her lip in thought. "Not yet. But if he wants to return to the bureau he has to be cleared by a psychiatrist."

The nurse nodded. "That makes sense."

* * *

Mulder stood at the window looking out at the gardens maintained behind the building. A young man and woman pushed an older woman in a wheelchair down the sidewalk that wound in and out through the carefully laid flowers. In the center, crawling vines covered the outer edge of a fountain with a cherub pouring water from a jug. The plants were not thick enough to hide the whiteness of the statue but enough to add an interesting pattern to it.

He had finally received his clothes back, packed away for six months in a cardboard box with his name scrawled on it. It had felt good to put on a pair of pants and t-shirt again. The fashion statement made by the hospital gown still left something to be desired.

The door to the room opened causing him to briefly glance over his shoulder. Turning back to the window without a sound he gazed back out it at nothing in particular.

Puzzled over his lack of greeting Jordan crossed the room to stand beside him. "Are you okay?" She looked over at him. His furrowed brow, his frown, his unfocused stare told her a lot and nothing at the same time.

Heaving a deep sigh, Mulder pondered the question. Finally turning around he sat back against the window frame. "I should be, right?"

Jordan went over and sat on the bed facing the perplexed agent. "Being that I'm not a shrink, I can't answer that."

Mulder smirked. Sometimes it was more of a hindrance than anything being a qualified psychologist. He rubbed his forehead to relieve the tension he felt gnawing at him. A headache was coming on; its pressure starting at his temples. The result of his attempt at making the decisions that refused to come easily.

"Skinner should be over here before noon with the rest of the paperwork to release you", Jordan noted aloud breaking the heavy silence.

"Something that is probably leaving a bad taste in his mouth."

"I don't know about that." Jordan came to the AD's defense. "He's been real worried about you. Seems he's kind of happy to see you leave this place."

"Yeah. Need to save some of the government's money."

"Did he ever tell you that they have also covered your apartment bill?"

Mulder stared at her blankly for a moment, his look answering her question. "I'm sure they are waiting on a payback with a high interest rate."

Jordan cocked her head realizing something about the federal agent she faced. "Are you always like this, or is this only since you woke up?" She grinned good- naturedly hoping he wouldn't take offense.

"Let me see…" he started as if deep in thought.

Jordan's giggle cut him off. "Forget it. It didn't need an answer."

Mulder grinned, allowing the situation to finally sink in. He was free, free of the hospital, free of the doctor with no sense of humor, free of the crazy nurse. It would feel good to be able to make his own decisions once again. If only his biggest decision was easier to make.

As if reading his mind, his fellow agent asked, "Have you decided what you're going to do yet?"

"Ah, the million dollar question."

Jordan dropped her gaze to the floor. "Sorry. It's just on everyone's mind."

"And the odds are for or against?"

"I tend to not go by the odds."

"Me neither." Mulder turned back to the window. For the moment he felt oddly at peace. For him to not worry about everything going on around him wasn't normal. His thoughts should be working around the conspiracies, the search for extraterrestrial life, his sister's disappearance, and his partner.

His peace shattered, his thoughts broke and he gasped as the overwhelming feeling of loss flooded him. Scully was gone and never coming back. His lifeline to the real world had been cut. Would he ever feel whole again?

He lowered his head, eyes closed, remembering her. Remembering their laughs together, their arguments, the times each covered the other; not only during a gunfight but also in support of outside individual investigations. He remembered the countless times she had saved his ass usually brought about by his own doing and the many times she had been there to support him when a family member died. He remembered each and every scientific explanation she had made whether it proved true or false. She had made sure he stayed grounded if anything.

He remembered the first time they had met in the basement office. How suspicious of her he had been. He had felt she had been sent to spy on him. Instead she had been the opposite. She complemented him in every way.

Mulder fought hard to keep the tears from falling. The last thing he needed anyone to see was he breaking down while in the hospital.

How could he go back? He still wanted to see her; needed to see her. It could never be the same. His office would be dark and quiet without her as it had been for the time he attempted to work. He just couldn't see going back to that place alone.

A hand touched his back lightly, but enough to cause his stomach to jump. He realized that Jordan was still in the room. "Hmm?"

"I didn't mean to surprise you, but I'm told Skinner's in the lobby with the paperwork."

Mulder nodded slightly but didn't move from the window.

Uncertain whether to leave him or not, Jordan stood at the foot of the bed watching him. Deep down she felt a nagging doubt. One that made her feel that she had interfered where she shouldn't have. One that made her wonder if she should have kept to herself and never got involved in Fox Mulder's life. Would it have been better on all involved if he had remained in the hospital, oblivious to the goings on around him? She felt uncertain as to whether the patient was ready to face the world.

The door opened and the AD entered the room. His face passive, he approached the two holding a stack of papers in his hands. When he received only a nod from the female agent he frowned. "Well?"

Mulder turned to face his superior and took a deep breath to compose himself. His mind however, sustained its turmoil. Torn between the loss of his partner, his missing sister, and his work, whatever it may be, he had no idea as to what he really wanted.

Unaware of his agent's dilemma, Skinner finally asked, "What have you decided?"

Mulder glanced around the room as if he could find the answer there. His eyes fell on each item in turn until he found himself gazing at Jordan, the one person who had believed in him even before she had ever met him. Although he was still unsure as to why, he had decided not to ponder on it. Her belief in him had brought him back, back from his hell. But back to what?

Both visitors felt his indecision and sympathized in their own way.

"Agent Mulder, I need an answer from you as soon as possible…even if that answer is not now."

His agent nodded, understanding. "How long do I have then?"

"I'll give you a week, no more." The assistant director's tone gave no indication of an alternative. "I'm not going to be able to hold the bureau at bay any longer than that. Because it's you, no one is really asking questions. They are making their own assumptions. But my superiors won't stay quiet much longer." Clearing his throat he continued, "You have a week to decide if you want to return or not. If you decide you want to come back, you need to see a psychiatrist to be cleared for duty." He didn't care for sounding like a policeman reading a captured criminal his rights.

Slightly relieved, Mulder murmured, "Yes sir."

Skinner turned to leave, and then hesitated. "Agent Jordan, I need to talk to you." He continued to the door and opened it, waiting for the younger woman to walk out ahead of him.

"Sir?"

"Yes, Agent Mulder."

"Thank you for everything."

The AD acknowledged him with a nod then closed the door behind him.

Jordan followed Mulder's superior out the front door and down the steps to his car. He opened his door and gestured to the passenger side intending for her to enter. Clearly puzzled she climbed into the car with him.

"First of all, this is off the record", he started after she had closed the door.

She nodded. "Okay."

"There is something you need to know about this. No one is to know of your involvement here in the last few weeks. No one needs to know."

"Sir, what about what those people did to…"

"Nothing happened here. I don't even want to know. I'm under scrutiny as it is. The less even I know about what you did, the better."

"And his therapist who cleared him?"

"I've already talked with the chief therapist and doctors. They don't know of anything that happened."

"So then these past few weeks didn't exist", Jordan snapped sarcastically. "Sir," she added hastily when she received a glare.

"That is not what I meant. I'm just saying that the events surrounding your involvement here never happened. You were never supposed to be here."

"But you allowed me stay."

_I wanted to see him out even more than you did_. "Agent Mulder was allowed visitors. At the time I didn't see the harm," he stated instead.

Nodding in undetermined agreement the girl asked, "What about the doctor and nurse who did this to him?"

"Let me just say they can't be found."

Jordan shook her head incredulously. "I don't understand all of this, sir. Why everything has to be forgotten?"

"There are dangerous men playing in this game. The less they think we know the better for everyone."

"And Mulder?"

"Only he knows what happened to him. Besides, this is better for him also."

"…if he should decide to return", Jordan finished finally understanding.

* * *

Agent Jordan pulled up next to the apartment building. Taking her SUV out of gear she turned to her passenger. "I don't understand why you wanted me to drive you when Skinner was willing to. You two have more things to talk about."

Mulder pulled his bag from behind the seat. "The bureau is the last thing I want to talk about right now." He glanced over at the driver, his look softening. "Besides, you're the one that got me out of there." He opened the door.

"Call me if you need anything. You have my number."

"Yeah, I got it off the bathroom wall. Something about having a good time."

Her eyebrows raised, she was caught momentarily off guard. Then sighing with a grin she shook her head. "Sometimes I wonder how Agent Scully put up with you."

At her name, his brow furrowed briefly and he chewed the inside of his lip. He knew it would a long time before he could hear her name much less talk about her without it affecting him.

Realizing her wrong choice of subject, Jordan was about to apologize when he held up his hand stopping her. A minute of uncomfortable silence passed between them; Jordan unsure of what to say, while Mulder cleared his thoughts. "Thanks. Thanks for everything", he finally said, his words forced.

Jordan nodded as he finished climbing out of her vehicle and shut the door. He turned to his apartment and with a deep breath headed for the door.

Mulder obtained the key to his apartment from the landlord and approached the door to number 42 with apprehension. It had been over 6 months since he had faced that number. Still, deep down it felt good to be home. The familiarity of his own place would soon put him to ease. At least he hoped it would.

He unlocked the door and pushed it open facing a living room in shambles. The furniture was overturned; books and papers littered the floor.

Mulder stepped into the room, closing the door behind him and took in the scene before him. He thought momentarily about the chance that the intruder might still be inside the building but pushed it aside. Nothing moved, not even a piece of paper. The apartment was quiet, looking anything but the way he had left it. Definitely not the familiarity that he had been looking for.

The agent could only look around in silence. Many ideas entered his mind as to who had violated his privacy. All of them in one way or another boiled down to the bastards linked to the conspiracy. Ones he wanted nothing more to do with.

The end?

* * *

**Thank you to those who took the time to read this and also appreciate the notes left; you are so kind. :) I did have a start to a new part to this but didn't get past the first chapter. And since it was written so many years ago I don't know how to pick it back up at this time. But you never know in the future. **


End file.
